Hi Michelle,
>I am confused; I think I am getting a different message than what is
>meant by these posts, but is this saying that women who have horrible
>births bring it upon themselves with their thoughts and "energy"? Or
>that women "wish" for bad births? I am having a hard time with this. It
>sounds like the institutionalized birth machine is being totally let
>off the hook in favor of "blame mom".
>
>Michelle DePesa
I'm sure there's hardly a woman out there who would *wish* for a horrible
or bad birth for her baby. The expression I used, "Be careful what you
wish for, for you just may get it," like many expressions, is not
necessarily meant to be taken literally. I am using it with some poetic
license to get my point across that it has been my experiences (both
personal and professional) that in birth, breastfeeding, and life in
general, what one sets her mind towards generally comes to be. Probably
best to substitute "set your mind towards" instead of "wish" in the
original expression.
If the bulk of a mom-to-be's thoughts are directed towards all the birth
(or substitute breastfeeding) horror stories, the pain, the fear, the
problems, the inability of women to do it naturally, etc., etc., then, in
my opinion, she will be very lucky if that experience doesn't meet those
expectations. Is that what she *wanted?* I bet not. But it's like setting
oneself up for failure. My point is not to blame moms, just to report
what I have experienced.
How many times have you heard a mom say she will *try* to breastfeed? That
is one big red flag for me. When you *try* to do something, you're giving
yourself wiggle room to get out of it. I like quotes, so I"ll throw in
another one from Yoda (Star Wars), :-) "There is no try, there is just do."
On the flip side, it is my experience that a mom who sets her mind towards
(visualizes, if you will) the beauty of birth (breastfeeding), does her
homework to understand the physiological aspects of these processes,
gathers around her supportive people and materials will generally have
positive experiences with regards to these processes.
I'm sure you've experienced this phenomenon.
Of course, there a ton of variables. I won't argue that a mom can set her
sights on a birth or breastfeeding experience that is beautiful and
flawless and have something crop up that wrecks it. Do I think she
secretly willed a problem? No. Bad stuff happens. But if one goes into an
adventure with fear and thoughts of failure, I don't think anyone should be
too surprised if the adventure doesn't turn out so hot.
Respectfully,
Dianne Oliver, IBCLC
Simi Valley, CA
______________________
Holistic Lactation
www.holisticlactation.com
805-582-2058
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