Debbie,
It really hurts when moms quit, we do tend to take it personally.
I have learned to take a deep breath, remind the mom that my role is to
support her in her decisions, and then do the reality check.
        Is this mom fine, but overwhelmed?  You can talk about how hard the
early weeks of parenthood are, and share some of the emotional facts of life a
la "how can a 7 lb person transform me from a competent professional adult to
a disorganized mess who cannot seem to get out a a nightgown before 4pm?".
Let this mom know that she can unquit if quitting does not releive her of that
new parent stress.  Working moms can get obsessed about the amount of milk
they pump, sometimes letting her know others are fearful too, but that she can
always freeze a backup supply, or fill in with abm will releive her fears.
Sometimes the fear is so intolerable, she cannot stand it.  I find fear is the
reason behind many quittings- fear that baby is not getting enough, fear of
not being able to pump enough, whatever.  Some people cannot deal with fear
and need to quit.
        It might help to understand that any human activity has to be
rewarding on some level to be continued.  If nothing about breastfeeding is
pleasant for a mother-baby dyad, they will be hard pressed to keep going. A
mom who has struggled for weeks with a colicky baby, low supply, and sore
nipples from baby's intractable suck problem needs positive reinforcement for
her efforts in a situation any of the components of which would have prompted
another mom to throw in the towel immediately.  She may go on to nurse her
next baby, and will have some empowerment from this experience as well,
instead of a terrible sense of failure.
        Some moms just need permission to quit for a day.  I have had moms
unquit when the initial crisis was past and go on to total breastfeeding.  One
mom had cratered nipples from tongue humping, mastitis from the fissures and
inadequate emptying, thrush from the antibiotics for the mastitis, and a low
milk supply (was down to 3 bf's a day, rest abm).  She struggled for 3 months
alone, then called me.  She pumped for 2 days, then decided to quit. I told
her to wind down the pumping slowly, and that of course she could quit if she
wanted to.  Two days later she felt better, and put baby back on breast, and
within a month had her sucking correctly and fully breastfed.  Another mom had
a breast-refusing baby whom she was fingerfeeding EBM.  Dad was threatening to
divorce her and sue for custody if she did not stop this fingerfeeding
nonsense.  (Though he was very sweet at the consult).  Baby was just starting
to take breast once in awhile.  She called and said she was quitting,
expressing disgust with all the gadgetry.  I praised her diligence, and
suggested putting baby to breast just enough to prevent engorgement, and
quitting everything else.  Baby finally started really nursing, and is still
nursing 2 years later.  Dad calmed down, he was going thru his own emotional
adjustment.
        It is hard not to think if you had only done that one magic thing, the
mom would still be nursing, but people are more driven by their own reality
than ours.  I find that putting things in perspective for the mom, restating
her challenges, her efforts, and her fears, and praising her for the work that
went into attempting to overcome the challenges within her total life
situation leaves her with a better feeling about breastfeeding than lecturing
her.  Of course I cannot resist the temptation to correct blantant
inaccuracies (lies), either, nor do I think we should.  This is basic to the
issue of informed consent, the mom needs accurate info to make her decision.
       It is always sad when I see a mom who quit early and she tells me that
she should have continued, that this baby is so sickly compared to bf friends
or siblings.  I would love to say "see!" but I reitterate her challenges and
her life situation at the time instead, then go home and call my best friend,
a LLL Leader.
        I'm sorry you're not God.  I'm sorry I'm not God!  My advice for when
too many moms quit in one week- keep an album of all the thank yous and baby
pictures you have been sent, and look at it when you feel useless.  It really
helps me.
Sorry so long, I just think this is a very important issue.  I hope I have
made myself clear here, it's 1 am, I should be packing (to move) and writing
the candidates letter for our IBLCE exam site, and writing the affiliate
minutes and mailing for our State Dept of Health to include LC's in the
Managed Care guidelines, and updating my pump database, and so on....Glad
you're all here, Lactnetters!
Catherine Watson Genna, IBCLC