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From:
"K. Jean Cotterman" <[log in to unmask]>
Reply To:
Lactation Information and Discussion <[log in to unmask]>
Date:
Thu, 7 Feb 2013 13:23:34 -0500
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Effath wrote:

<I was intrigued by what you mentioned about weaning  "I have read, and sadly, experienced personally, that emotional fall out at much later stages in a child's life might well be connected to the child's feelings at the time he was subjected to the "loneliness" of sudden or forced weaning that he was unable to express in words at the time." I would be interested to know more about the possible emotional fall outs that may happen at later age. Can I request to share a few any specific incidences that can be safely shared in this forum. >

I am very aware that this is like the front page of the New York Times, and therefore choose not to share more than the following. Nowadays, we understand more about a lot of things than in days past. That is part of the basis for changing early care in hospitals, etc., particularly about newborns who need S2S care even after the very natural trauma of an unmedicated birth itself, let alone if they must undergo traumatic emergency care. This seems to apply to negative experiences at all later stages of childhood. (Just makes me feel so sad about the case currently in the U.S national news.) 

The mind stores all kinds of feelings in the body memory, good ones as well as bad, despite the fact that the child does not yet have language capability to express it in words. It may even be part of what is now called PTSD of some degree. I think it is now sort of common knowledge that these feelings, especially if negative, are repeatedly "acted out" again and again in different ways as a child reaches different stages of maturity and gains more and more power to express in words and actions, those same feelings that may re-occur during repetition in future experiences, on up through adolescence and well beyond. Indeed, in retrospect, that seems to be the basis of the many, many hours I myself spent in receiving mental health counseling many times during my adult life.


In the 1950's my first 4 children were born, and as an OB nurse, I just didn't "get it" why I couldn't "make it" with breastfeeding past 5 -10 days. Then a local chapter of LLL was formed, and I called a friend on the counseling committee for 9 days in a row after I got home, and experienced a wonderful, life-changing experience with my 4th child. Toddler nursing was still "in the closet". I was a "working mother", which was also then my main mental and psychological outlet with the excitement and recognition of adult relationships. Years later, while attending a LLL convention with friends I heard one of the original supportive MDs, or Betty Ann Countryman, say something to the effect of "Having a successful and rewarding breastfeeding relationship does not automatically guarantee that all future parenting decisions will be wise and successful." It "struck a chord" with me and has continued to be very helpful in resolving my own feelings over my own parenting of my 6 children as we have all moved into more mature stages of life. 


Touch is indeed a powerful language all its own. We have only to look back in our own lives to times when words were not adequate. In fact, too much talking seemed "empty", perhaps making "aloneness with our feelings" feel even worse. But a prolonged quiet hug or even more intimate touch, a shoulder to cry on, a stroking of the hands, a back-rub, even in my case, having the beautician do my hair (reminds me of when my mom did it back when "Children are to be seen and not heard" was the parenting directive) communicates love and acceptance in a powerful way. 


It behooves us all to remember that, and convey that as we become "wise, supportive parent figures" to the young parents we are trying to help during critical periods in their family lives. We all stand on the shoulders of giants, and then become some of the giants on whose shoulders future generations stand.


K. Jean Cotterman RNC-E, IBCLC
WIC Volunteer LC    Dayton OH

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