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> In a message dated 2/7/98 3:56:02 PM !!!First Boot!!!,
> [log in to unmask] writes:
>
> <<  I have worked in the Community for the past 12 month=
>  s and have had to deal with numerous families at or near breaking point =
>  because of a child who does not sleep at night.   >>
>
> What has been your personal experience at home, with your own babies?
>
> Just wondering,
>
> Deya Stavinoha
> Longview, TX
>

I, like a lot of mothers, rocked or patted my daughter to sleep.  This was easy at first, as it is very easy to put newborns to sleep.  I am a Midwife and so had plenty of practice settling babies to sleep.  However, when she got to about 3 months it suddenly got very difficult to put her to sleep.  As soon as I started to cuddle her and rock her she would start to cry and scream and fight going to sleep (I have seen this with other friends and other people's babies on numerous occasions).  I was talking to a friend one day (who had a baby 4 months older than mine) and asked her if there was anything she did with her baby that she wouldn't do next time.  She told me that she would never start rocking her next baby to sleep as she was now also having terrible trouble getting her baby to sleep.  I immediately decided to stop rocking also and went through a fairly traumatic few days while patting, stroking, singing to calm my daughter but not to put her to sleep until she learnt to do it herself.  This problem was only in the daytime as this was the only time I had rocked her.  I had always simply put her down (with that "full as a goog" look) after her breastfeeds at night and she had simply gone to sleep.  She slept through the night at 8 weeks of her own accord - nothing I did.  I certainly did not try to "Ferberise" her and did not ignore her cries for hunger.  She just slept for 8hours between feeds one night and kept going, gradually extending the time to about 10 hours.  I never had another problem with her going to sleep (except nights when she may have been teething or had ear infections - when I was up with her most of the night breastfeeding her to comfort her pain.  I breastfed her for 17 months, she started solids at 5 1/2 months, I introduced dairy foods into her diet at around 9 months and she never had any formula at any time.

        When my son was born I decided not to rock him to sleep from the start and simply put him down after feeds day and night.  We had our cuddles and play time before and during feeds but generally not after.  He never cried himself to sleep.  He just went to sleep.  I used to have his cot in the lounge room during the day where he could hear and see me all the time and I would smile and talk to him whenever I walked past his cot, while he lay happily looking at or playing with mobiles, rattles, soft toys etc until about 20 minutes or so after a feed I would walk past him and notice that he was asleep.  There was never any fuss.  He was a typical boy, a real snuggler and loved his cuddles and he got plenty of these, we just didn't use them to put him to sleep.  I always tried to provide a calm and loving environment around him and he responded beautifully.  We were very lucky as he was the proverbial "perfect baby" (if there is such a thing).  We were also lucky that he had no medical conditions that often cause pain and therefore sleeplessness in babies ( such as reflux) and that I have a good understanding of breastfeeding, as I do believe that generally a well fed baby is a content baby.  I also breastfed him for 18 months (both my children naturally weaned themselves then - slowly) he started solids at 6 1/2 months and never received any formula either.  He too slept through the night from about 10 weeks, having about 6 feeds during the day.

        I would like to add that I do not believe controlled crying is for everyone.  There are a lot of parents that cannot even consider this concept, and I fully support parents who wish to co-sleep with their children and respond to every noise and whim of their babies and children.  That is their choice.  I do however also wish to support those parent who for whatever reason decide not to sleep with their babies, and prefer to give them the information that they do all they need to, to calm and comfort their baby
 (particularly in the early weeks) but they don't need to make it their aim to put them to sleep every time.  If they do this from the start, often controlled crying is never required anyway.  I also like to give parents the information that if they decide to co-sleep with their babies or help them to sleep always, then they need to be prepared to do this for an extended period of time because a lot of children still depend on their parents to help them to sleep to school age and beyond.  If the parents are happy to do this then this is fine, but I have found that most parents are completely unaware of the consequences of their actions at this stage and decide they do not wish to start this at all.  I just believe that as a health professional I have not the right to be judgmental of the way people live their lives. It is my role to support families in the choices they make and to help them achieve the best outcome for them.  I believe that people should be able to make informed choices and generally talk about both options of managing babies and leave the decision up to them.  I have found that there are a lot of women out there who if they have too much pressure put on them they will give up breastfeeding.  I have therefore found that if you can support them in what they want to do and will do anyway you have a much better chance of prolonging the breastfeeding. Women do not respond very well at all to feeling judged and I think we need to be aware of the many and varied social circumstances our clients live in.  When you visit a filthy house with about 10 people living in it, with the only food in the house being bread, milk (with flies crawling on the open bottle), vegemite, margarine, coffee and sugar, you know you are doing the baby a favour if you can support the mother in whatever way to continue breastfeeding.

Off my band wagon now !