~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ingrid in British Columbia wrote:

This is definitely an area where LLL excels, simply by having women in the
room that have happily immersed themselves in motherhood, in meeting their
baby's needs.  Women who are struggling against the pressure to abandon
their babies (which really is everywhere) see happy, sane women and clearly
well-adjusted children against which to measure the 'spoiling' messages they
are getting.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ingrid and Pam Morrison mentioned the old concept of "spoiling", at the
heart of the separation and distancing of parents from babies and children.
Interestingly, it is a term I haven't heard for a long time from parents in
my private lactation practice, here in Brisbane, Queensland.  Perhaps I see
a particular population.  Often the parents ask me if they are "doing the
right thing" for their baby by feeding very frequently and having the baby
in their arms instead of always in the crib.  They don't talk about
"spoiling".  They look so relieved when I confirm they are indeed doing the
right thing and praise their parenting.  It is lovely to be able to
reinforce what they are doing by discussing infant cues and quoting research
about normal newborn behaviour and the value of skin-to-skin.  I also talk
about frequent feeding and cluster feeding as showing their clever baby is
doing her/his "work", the "job" that babies know they have to do.

 

In my PhD thesis on 20th-century infant feeding in Australia, I wrote a
whole section in one chapter on the effect of the pervading concept of
"spoiling" on the feeding of babies.  It used to be something we had to be
alert to in the early days of the lactation consultant profession, as
parents back then were hearing it on every side, along with the cruel
fiction that babies had to be left to cry to "exercise their lungs".  In the
1980s, some child health nurses were taking new mothers to task (implying
they were bad mothers) if the baby didn't cry.  One such instance, which I
overheard, led to my writing a page refuting this in the second of my books.

 

When I think of a "spoilt" toddler, I think of a little boy whose rather
scruffy mother kept him at arms length.  This was 30-35 years ago.  Then at
a town barbecue, when he was whingeing and pulling at her skirt, some of the
older women started saying he was acting "spoilt" - which only reinforced
the mother's aversive behaviour towards him.  I suspect (with completely no
evidence from a study, just my personal opinion) that kids who act "spoilt"
are the ones who were denied the cuddles they needed in infancy, whether
from neglect or from replacement of the mother and father's arms with
expensive objects to keep them amused or soothed.

 

Virginia

 

Dr Virginia Thorley, OAM, PhD, GD Couns, IBCLC, FILCA

Honorarfy Research Fellow

School of History, Phisosophy, Religion & Classics

The University of Queensland, QLD 4072

Australia  

E: [log in to unmask] 

 

 


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