I think you are teaching us a wonderful lesson! Pat in SNJ
>
> Marlene ( and welcome to you!) brings up a very interesting question,
> about
> using our own voices in our work.
>
> In the beginning of my career, I was trained not to show any emotions.
> This
> was called "professional" behavior and was encouraged. "Don't weep when
> the
> baby dies because the parents need you to be strong." This carried into my
> work with childbirth education and breastfeeding help. One of the senior
> educators was held up as a role model because parents never knew how she
> felt about "breast or bottle". She had so completely submerged her voice
> and
> was completely focused on making sure the parents were free to make a
> choice.
>
> Fast forward to the cases that I remember and regret the most. Ones such
> as
> this one: The mother wanted to breastfeed, was having trouble, had been
> told
> by her doctor that it really didn't make any difference, and who asked me,
> "What would you recommend?" Me, who wanted to keep her job as hospital LC,
> and god forbid, not contradict a physician. I bailed out and will always
> be
> sorry.
>
> What I've learned over the years is how to use my voice. This is totally
> different to suppressing it.
>
> So I can say, "I understand your doctor said "X". In my professional
> opinion, based on my experience and research, I have to disagree. Here's
> why."
>
> I can say, after a mother tells me that she quit breastfeeding after 3
> days,
> "Oh, I am so sorry to hear that. What happened." (instead of the "Hurray,
> you breastfed for 3 days and maybe next baby you'll breastfeed for 4!!)
>
> I can say, after hearing a heartbreaking story from a mother who has
> survived the slaughter of a technologically driven birth, "I am so upset
> after hearing what you went through....I can't imagine how YOU must feel."
>
> In these cases, I honor my feelings without asking the mother to take care
> of them. I provide a sounding board for her to lean on, a true support.
> She
> is telling me her story. I would be a robot if I didn't react somehow. My
> job is to do it in a way that augments her expression. This can include
> disagreeing with her, and asking her to consider another point of view.
>
> What do you all think?
>
> warmly,
> Nikki Lee
>
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