My last baby was born in a German hospital, but I must say it was an
eyeopening experience. I had to choose between delivering in the nearest
Army hospital or German hospital. Since I had a history of premature
deliveries and short labors, I chose the German hospital over an hour
drive to the nearest Army hospital. Hence, I had my prenatal care with
the German Dr. The difference was wonderful, a quick but comprehensive
exam. When I started my usual protein in the urine, the Dr. recommended
that I see Internal Medicine or a specialist after delivery (two months
away), I informed him that after the last delivery, I went to a
nephrologist and was cleared of any major kidney disease or problem. He
said OK, and never mentioned it again (and I never went above a +1, and
it had started going down the week of delivery). When it came time to
the hospital while in labor, my only hassle was getting onto a table for
an exam - that changed when the midwife realized that I was at 10
already. No removing all my clothes, no hospital gown - I delievered in
my favorite T-shirt. No strapped to a table or lying down, and no drugs.
I walked into the LDR room and sat on a table waiting for them to get
themselves together. Sarah was born 18 minutes after we arrived, no
bath, no drops, no wisking away. She was wrapped in a blanket and given
to us. As soon as the placenta delivered the Dr. and Midwife (who had
done the delivery) left the room for more than 45 minutes. Then the
Midwife came washed the baby (right there in the same room), measured,
weighed, dressed her and then gave her back to us. She then went and
converted cms & grams to inches and pounds for us. And left for another
30 minutes.
    This was a vast change from #1 child who was born in a US NICU (then
called child care center) Med Teaching Hospital. I was fully
prepped,drugged into a stupor, had to be wakened up when they realized I
was fully dilated, strapped and flat (as I like to call it), episiotomy,
I did not see my son in the delivery room or for 6 hours after he was
born (my med problems not his). I was in a drugged daze for two weeks.
Is it any wonder #1 was nursed for 6 weeks and #4 weaned herself as a
toddler?
    My point is that I learned and grew, changed my attitudes in 13
years, so change is not impossible, nor does it have to be slow going.
    On the divorce and custody issue, I went through this with my first
two children. Although breastfeeding was not an issue, the violence and
fighting that I thought the divorce would end, did not. It took me a
long time (3+ years) before I realized that the children were the most
important thing to consider. I had also made a vow to myself, not to put
my own feelings into the children's relationship with their father. It
took a long time, but even he (my ex) realized that the children were
the most important thing to consider. We started being civil to each
other, and that progressed. Although there have been a blow up or two,
they did not esscalate into our old pattern of fighting. Now, (13 years
later) we are actually at ease in each others presence, my two younger
kids enjoy his company (he teases them and they love the attention) and
all members of the families (including my husband) can sit down to a
meal together and talk like friends. It has been a hard road, but the
benefit has been for my children - they have solid relationships with
both of us and their step-father, my younger children are comfortable
with the additional father and grandparents that the older children have
and major events (graduations, etc) have been not only survivable, but
pleasant. It is amazing what can be accomplished when we think of the
best interest of the children! I admit it wasn't easy for me, as I left
because of emotional and physical abuse - there was a constant worry
that he would switch to the children, since I was no longer around and I
had to deal with my own feelings of anger. On my part, I did give him a
chance and when he proved himself willing to be a father, I worked on my
attitude. In the end, it has been successful for all.

Leslie Ward
Vine Grove, KY
"I do not do great things, I do small things with great love." Mother
Theresa