Dear Friends,
Bethany Hanser (email:  [log in to unmask]) one of our local Lactation
Consultants in the Greater Cincinnati area lost her 17 year old son this week
in a tragic automobile accident.  This loss has all who know and love her in
shock.

This is something that I came accross thanks to another LLLL who just lost a
baby and I thought it might be helpful for any of us helping mothers in any
loss situation.
******************************************
( taken from :  Subsequent Pregnancy After Loss Support
http://www.inforamp.net/~bfo/spals/index.html)

A Bereaved Parent's Wish List

1. I wish my child hadn't died. I wish I had him back.

2. I wish you wouldn't be afraid to speak my child's name. My child lived and
was very important to me. I need to hear that he was important to you also.

3. If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my child I wish you knew
that it isn't because you have hurt me. My child's death is the cause of my
tears. You have talked about my child, and you have allowed me to share my
grief. I thank you for both.

4. I wish you wouldn't”kill” my child again by removing his pictures, artwork,
or other remembrances from your home.

5. Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't shy away
from me. I need you now more than ever.

6. I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you, but, I also want you to
hear about me. I might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you would let me
talk about my child, my favorite topic of the day.

7. I know that you think of and pray for me often. I also know that my child's
death pains you, too. I wish you would let me know those things through a
phone call, a card or note, or a real big hug.

8. I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in six months. These first
months are traumatic for me, but I wish you could understand that my grief
will never be over. I will suffer the death of my child until the day I die.

9. I am working very hard in my recovery, but I wish you could understand that
I will never fully recover. I will always miss my child, and I will always
grieve that he is dead.

10. I wish you wouldn't expect me “not to think about it” or to “be happy”.
Neither will happen for a very long time, so don't frustrate yourself.

11. I don't want to have a “pity party” but I do wish you would let me grieve.
I must hurt before I can heal.

12. I wish you understood how my life has shattered. I know it is miserable
for you to be around me when I'm feeling miserable. Please be as patient with
me as I am with you.

13. When I say “I'm doing okay”, I wish you could understand that I don't
“feel” okay and that I struggle daily.

14. I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I'm having are very
normal. Depression, anger, hopelessness and overwhelming sadness are all to be
expected. So please excuse me when I'm quiet and withdrawn or irritable and
cranky.

15. Your advice to “take one day at a time” is excellent advice. However, a
day is too much and too fast for me right now. I wish you could understand
that I'm doing good to handle an hour at a time.
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Please send your warm thoughts/prayers Bethany's way.

Norma Escobar
Burlington, KY