Although I too hate to look a gift horse in the mouth, and I hate to
bite the hand that feeds me Honey Nut Cheerios, I also must take General
Mills to task over their "Save the Honeybee" campaign.  At first glance,
$100,000 donated to combat mites is a very generous offer.  However,
when I harken back to Accounting 211 (an introductory course which I
admittedly squeaked out with a D), I remember how to do the books for
"box top schemes" - and lets call a spade a spade here, this is nothing
more than a quiet box top scheme.  Assuming accrual accounting, a
company initially writes off the full potential of their scheme
($100,000) and then, after the box top (or bee cut out) deadline, the
difference between the pledged amount and the actual amount spent
honoring the returned box tops is credited back to the books!  In other
words, General Mills gets $100,000 of publicity and then quietly
adjusts their books in 1997 to reflect their actual donation,
which will be somewhat less than $100,000.  C'mon, how many boxes of
Honey Nut Cheerios can we expect Andy and his constipated cat to eat!?
 
Seriously folks, do the math.  Examine the target consumer of Honey Nut
Cheerios.  Follow General Mills' lead on this one.  Ask yourself, "When
does General Mills advertise Honey Nut Cheerios?"  SATURDAY MORNING!!!
CARTOON TIME!!!  How many beekeepers have even seen an ad for Honey Nut
Cheerios (HNC)?
 
The strength of numbers is not lost on me over this.  Although I nearly
failed accounting, I earned a degree in mathematics and I know that
400,000 bee cut outs equals $100,000.  But I'll give dimes to donuts
that the cut out bees mailed to General Mills will never amount to
400,000.  If there were a sincere concern at General Mills over the
plight of the honeybee there would have been more than a quiet press
announcement of their "Save the Honeybee" campaign.  Frankly, were it
not for the Internet I would never even know about their generous offer.
I have yet to receive anything from the Honet Nut Hotline, and I called
right after Andy.  And the rules of the game are that I must eat HNC!  I
HATE HNC!  I admit that I am quite fond of plain unadulterated Cheerios,
which I lavish with copious amounts of my own honey - no sugar, no brown
sugar syrup, no nuttin' 'cept skim milk.  But will General Mills honor a
Cheerios box top?  NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  How 'bout a Wheaties box top?
Surely the breakfast of champions eaters are concerned over the fate of
honeybees, although the hate to ba called "Shirley".  But again,
NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  It must be HNC to get the quarter, nuttin'
else!  So OK, I'll bite the bullet and do my part, I'll get HNC - my dog
will share the same fate as Andy's cat.  Well surprise of all surprises,
what did I find regarding the campaign on the box?  NUTTIN'!!!  I fail
to see an honest concern over honeybees on the part of General Mills
and see only a tricksters' scheme to claim a big contribution on paper
for a small contribution at the bank.
 
As a beekeeper I'm appalled at this poorly disguised campaign to get
cheap publicity.  Were there truly a sincere concern at General Mills,
it would not be a box top scheme, it would be an out an out donation!
Ok, let's let General Mills have their own way, they gotta sell them
boxes.  But take a Cheerios or Wheaties box top, don't force HNC on
folks who don't want them!  And ADVERTISE the offer.  How 'bout a
commercial where the HNC cartoon bee is being attacked by a vampire?
Well, we don't want to be scaring the kids who are the primary consumers
of HNC, so tone down the vampire into a softer cartoon, kind of like a
smaller version of Count Chochula!  "I vant to suck your hemolymph!".
Rally the kids to cut out the honeybee, heighten the public awareness of
the very real problem confronting honeybees!  Perhaps this advertisement
could be a joint effort between General Mills and the National Honey
Board.  But please, don't insult the beekeeping community by using a
very real problem to promote cereal.
 
Before signing off on this, I must remember my manners and thank General
Mills for what will be a very real contribution towards bee research.
Please take the above tirade as one would view the admonishing of a
parent who tells a 'C' child that they should have gotten an 'A'.  And
keep them cut out bees comin'!  Or as Andy suggests, send a third of the
price of a box of HNC to each institution that stands to gain from the
"Save the Honeybee" campaign.  The Post Office will still get their cut
and the institutions will gain more than they will from General Mills.
Consider this suggestion as a counter campaign.  "Help Save Andy's Cat!"
 
Aaron Morris - thinkin' nuttin' honey!