John Williams has done it.  He has combined and exceeded `Carmina Burana'
(amplified) and `The Pines of Rome' (amplified more) for a kitchen-sink
`Aida' triumphal march ending `Star Wars Episode I:  The Phantom Menace.'

The millennium ending shortly now has its most vulgar and noisy, loudest
and bone-shakin' music that ever enveloped a grateful audience.

George Lucas is right up there with his favorite composer, piling some
breathtaking visuals on top of a murky story, unbelievably wooden acting
by everybody except Liam Neeson and Frank Oz.  Natalie Portman is listed
as a human, but I bet she really is an android.  The young R2D2 is far
more believable.

The underwater world of the half-horse creatures is fabulously eye-popping,
and there is some funny stuff for everyone, but especially, for the
students of the series.  But those long segments of horrible acting and
the whole film not hanging together -- those are impossible problems to
understand.  And so is the `story' -- with a decent (if public) education
under my belt and dozens of complete productions of the `Ring,' I couldn't
quite make out here the political, strategic and pop-psych strands woven
together ever so loosely.  If you must watch battle scenes, it would be
grand to know who are the good guys.

If I go back to see it again, it will not be to figure out Episode I, but
for the visual treats that come by fairly frequently.  The first hour holds
attention pretty well, the remaining hour and a half:  not so good.  (Hey,
`Episode I' is exactly the same length as `Das Rheingold'!  A coincidence?)

Incidentally, if you want to see a film that *is* all of one piece, Franco
Zeffirelli's `Tea with Mussolini' is the tickets.  Of course, Zeffirelli
had Judi Dench, Maggie Smith, Joan Plowright and Cher (who holds her own
against those giants of the stage), and Ms.  Portman was not allowed
anywhere near the film.

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