I couldn't resist this one!
>> To: All-San Mateo
>> cc:
>> From: Nicholas Petreley/IWP @ IWP
>> Date: 01/06/97 01:32:32 PM
>> Subject: non-business worth reading
>>
>>
>> This is a very funny e-mail I got from a reader - it really is worth
>> reading, especially if you are into archeology.
>>
>> -Nick
>>
>> ---------------------- Forwarded by Nicholas Petreley/IWP on 01/06/97
>> 01:29 PM ---------------------------
>>
>>
>>
>> To: Nicholas Petreley
>> cc:
>> Subject: worth reading
>>
>>
>>I think you will enjoy this...
>>
>>Ok, the story behind this... There's this nutball who digs things out
>>his back yard and sends the stuff he finds to the Smithsonian
>>Institute,
>>labeling them with scientific names, insisting that they are actual
>>archeological finds. The really weird thing about these letters is that
>>this guy really exists and does this in his spare time!
>>
>>Anyway... here's a letter from the Smithsonian Institute from when he
>>sent them a Barbie doll head.
>>
>> --------------
>>
>>Paleoanthropology Division
>>Smithsonian Institute
>>207 Pennsylvania Avenue
>>Washington, DC 20078
>>
>>Dear Sir:
>>
>>Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled "211-D,
>>layer seven, next to the clothesline post. Hominid skull." We have given
>>this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and regret to inform
>>you that we disagree with your theory that it, represents "conclusive
>>proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston County two million
>>years ago." Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of
>>a Barbie doll, of the variety one of our staff, who has small children,
>>believes to be the "Malibu Barbie". It is evident that you have given a
>>great deal of thought
>>to the analysis of this specimen, and you may be quite certain that
>>those of us who are familiar with your prior work in the field were
>>loathe to come to contradiction with your findings. However, we do feel
>>that there are a number of physical attributes of the specimen which
>>might have tipped you off to it's modern origin:
>>
>>1. The material is molded plastic. Ancient hominid remains are typically
>>fossilized bone. >
>>2. The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9 cubic
>>centimeters, well below the threshold of even the earliest identified
>>proto-hominids.
>>
>>3. The dentition pattern evident on the "skull" is more consistent with
>>the common domesticated dog than it is with the "ravenous man-eating
>>Pliocene clams" you speculate roamed the wetlands during that time.
>>This latter finding is certainly one of the most intriguing hypotheses
>>you have submitted in your history with this institution, but the
>>evidence seems to weigh rather heavily against it. Without going into
>>too much detail, let us say that:
>>
>>A. The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll that a dog has
>>chewed on.
>>
>>B. Clams don't have teeth.
>>
>>It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny your
>>request to have the specimen carbon dated. This is partially due to the
>>heavy load our lab must bear in it's normal operation, and partly due to
>>carbon dating's notorious inaccuracy in fossils of recent geologic
>>record. To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie dolls were produced
>>prior to 1956 AD, and carbon dating is likely to produce wildly
>>inaccurate results. Sadly, we must also deny your request that we
>>approach the National Science Foundation's Phylogeny Department with the
>>concept of assigning your specimen the scientific name "Australopithecus
>>spiff-arino." Speaking personally, I, for one, fought tenaciously for
>>the acceptance of your proposed taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down
>>because the species name you selected was hyphenated, and didn't really
>>sound like it might be Latin.
>>
>>However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this fascinating
>>specimen to the museum. While it is undoubtedly not a hominid fossil, it
>>is, nonetheless, yet another riveting example of the great body of work
>>you seem to accumulate here so effortlessly. You should know that our
>>Director has reserved a special shelf in his own office for the display
>>of the specimens you have previously submitted to the Institution, and
>>the entire staff speculates daily on what you will happen upon next in
>>your digs at the site you have discovered in your back yard. We eagerly
>>anticipate your trip to our nation's capital that you proposed in your
>>last letter, and several of us are pressing the Director to pay for it.
>>We are particularly interested in hearing you expand on your theories
>>surrounding the "trans-positating fillifitation of ferrous ions in a
>>structural matrix" that makes the excellent juvenile Tyrannosaurus rex
>>femur you recently discovered take on the deceptive appearance of a
>>rusty 9-mm Sears Craftsman automotive crescent wrench.
>>
>>Yours in Science,
>>Harvey Rowe
>>Curator, Antiquities
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>-----------------------------------------------------------
>>[log in to unmask] Bill Beinert
>>Monday, January 06, 1997 - 04:06 PM EST
>>There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who
>>can't >-----------------------------------------------------------
>
Anita Cohen-Williams
Information Specialist
Auto Club of Southern California
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