ISEN-ASTC-L is a service of the Association of Science-Technology Centers
Incorporated, a worldwide network of science museums and related institutions.
*****************************************************************************

Warning Labels (For Science NERDs only)

I thought some of you who are into science might find these interesting:
David

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Warning Labels

As scientists and concerned citizens, we applaud the recent trend towards
legislation which requires the prominent placing of warnings on products
that present hazards to the general public. Yet we must also offer the
cautionary thought that such warnings, however well-intentioned, merely
scratch the surface of what is really necessary in this important area. This
is especially true in light of the findings of 20th century physics.

We are therefore proposing that, as responsible scientists, we join together
in an intensive push for new laws that will mandate the conspicuous
placement of suitably informative warnings on the packaging of every product
offered for sale in the United States of America. Our suggested list of
warnings appears below.

WARNING:
This Product Warps Space and Time in Its Vicinity.

WARNING:
This Product Attracts Every Other Piece of Matter in the Universe, Including
the Products of Other Manufacturers, with a Force Proportional to the
Product of the Masses and Inversely Proportional to the Distance Between
Them.

CAUTION:
The Mass of This Product Contains the Energy Equivalent of 85 Million Tons
of TNT per Net Ounce of Weight.

HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE:
This Product Contains Minute Electrically Charged Particles Moving at
Velocities in Excess of Five Hundred Million Miles Per Hour.

CONSUMER NOTICE:
Because of the "Uncertainty Principle," It Is Impossible for the Consumer to
Find Out at the Same Time Both Precisely Where This Product Is and How Fast
It Is Moving.
(Note: This one is optional on the grounds that Heisenburg was never quite
sure that his principle was correct)

ADVISORY:
There is an Extremely Small but Nonzero Chance That, Through a Process Know
as "Tunneling," This Product May Spontaneously Disappear from Its Present
Location and Reappear at Any Random Place in the Universe, Including Your
Neighbor's Domicile. The Manufacturer Will Not Be Responsible for Any
Damages or Inconvenience That May Result.

READ THIS BEFORE OPENING PACKAGE:
According to Suggested Versions of the Grand Unified Theory, the Primary
Particles Constituting this Product May Decay to Nothingness Within the Next
Four Hundred Million Years.

THIS IS A 100% MATTER PRODUCT:
In the Unlikely Event That This Merchandise Should Contact Antimatter in Any
Form, a Catastrophic Explosion Will Result.

PUBLIC NOTICE AS REQUIRED BY LAW:
Any Use of This Product, in Any Manner Whatsoever, Will Increase the Amount
of Disorder in the Universe. Although No Liability Is Implied Herein, the
Consumer Is Warned That This Process Will Ultimately Lead to the Heat Death
of the Universe.

NOTE:
The Most Fundamental Particles in This Product Are Held Together by a
"Gluing" Force About Which Little is Currently Known and Whose Adhesive
Power Can Therefore Not Be Permanently Guaranteed.

ATTENTION:
Despite Any Other Listing of Product Contents Found Hereon, the Consumer is
Advised That, in Actuality, This Product Consists Of 99.9999999999% Empty
Space.

NEW GRAND UNIFIED THEORY DISCLAIMER:
The Manufacturer May Technically Be Entitled to Claim That This Product Is
Ten-Dimensional.
However, the Consumer Is Reminded That This Confers No Legal Rights Above
and Beyond Those Applicable to Three-Dimensional Objects, Since the Seven
New Dimensions Are "Rolled Up" into Such a Small "Area" That They Cannot Be
Detected.

PLEASE NOTE:
Some Quantum Physics Theories Suggest That When the Consumer Is Not Directly
Observing This Product, It May Cease to Exist or Will Exist Only in a Vague
and Undetermined State.

COMPONENT EQUIVALENCY NOTICE:
The Subatomic Particles (Electrons, Protons, etc.) Comprising This Product
Are Exactly the Same in Every Measurable Respect as Those Used in the
Products of Other Manufacturers, and No Claim to the Contrary May
Legitimately Be Expressed or Implied.

HEALTH WARNING:
Care Should Be Taken When Lifting This Product, Since Its Mass, and Thus Its
Weight, Is Dependent on Its Velocity Relative to the User.

IMPORTANT NOTICE TO PURCHASERS:
The Entire Physical Universe, Including This Product, May One Day Collapse
Back into an Infinitesimally Small Space. Should Another Universe
Subsequently Re-emerge, the Existence of This Product in That Universe
Cannot Be Guaranteed.

Thank you for your attention


***********************************************************************
More information about the Informal Science Education Network and the
Association of Science-Technology Centers may be found at http://www.astc.org.
To remove your e-mail address from the ISEN-ASTC-L list, send the
message  SIGNOFF ISEN-ASTC-L in the BODY of a message to
[log in to unmask]