ISEN-ASTC-L is a service of the Association of Science-Technology Centers
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*****************************************************************************
David,
Wonderful! Thanks for adding fun to my (and a lot of other folks) day.
John B
> ----------
> From: David Taylor
> Reply To: Informal Science Education Network
> Sent: Friday, October 22, 2004 4:06 PM
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: Warning Labels (For Science NERDs only)
>
> ISEN-ASTC-L is a service of the Association of Science-Technology Centers
> Incorporated, a worldwide network of science museums and related institutions.
> *****************************************************************************
>
> Warning Labels (For Science NERDs only)
>
> I thought some of you who are into science might find these interesting:
> David
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Warning Labels
>
> As scientists and concerned citizens, we applaud the recent trend towards
> legislation which requires the prominent placing of warnings on products
> that present hazards to the general public. Yet we must also offer the
> cautionary thought that such warnings, however well-intentioned, merely
> scratch the surface of what is really necessary in this important area. This
> is especially true in light of the findings of 20th century physics.
>
> We are therefore proposing that, as responsible scientists, we join together
> in an intensive push for new laws that will mandate the conspicuous
> placement of suitably informative warnings on the packaging of every product
> offered for sale in the United States of America. Our suggested list of
> warnings appears below.
>
> WARNING:
> This Product Warps Space and Time in Its Vicinity.
>
> WARNING:
> This Product Attracts Every Other Piece of Matter in the Universe, Including
> the Products of Other Manufacturers, with a Force Proportional to the
> Product of the Masses and Inversely Proportional to the Distance Between
> Them.
>
> CAUTION:
> The Mass of This Product Contains the Energy Equivalent of 85 Million Tons
> of TNT per Net Ounce of Weight.
>
> HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE:
> This Product Contains Minute Electrically Charged Particles Moving at
> Velocities in Excess of Five Hundred Million Miles Per Hour.
>
> CONSUMER NOTICE:
> Because of the "Uncertainty Principle," It Is Impossible for the Consumer to
> Find Out at the Same Time Both Precisely Where This Product Is and How Fast
> It Is Moving.
> (Note: This one is optional on the grounds that Heisenburg was never quite
> sure that his principle was correct)
>
> ADVISORY:
> There is an Extremely Small but Nonzero Chance That, Through a Process Know
> as "Tunneling," This Product May Spontaneously Disappear from Its Present
> Location and Reappear at Any Random Place in the Universe, Including Your
> Neighbor's Domicile. The Manufacturer Will Not Be Responsible for Any
> Damages or Inconvenience That May Result.
>
> READ THIS BEFORE OPENING PACKAGE:
> According to Suggested Versions of the Grand Unified Theory, the Primary
> Particles Constituting this Product May Decay to Nothingness Within the Next
> Four Hundred Million Years.
>
> THIS IS A 100% MATTER PRODUCT:
> In the Unlikely Event That This Merchandise Should Contact Antimatter in Any
> Form, a Catastrophic Explosion Will Result.
>
> PUBLIC NOTICE AS REQUIRED BY LAW:
> Any Use of This Product, in Any Manner Whatsoever, Will Increase the Amount
> of Disorder in the Universe. Although No Liability Is Implied Herein, the
> Consumer Is Warned That This Process Will Ultimately Lead to the Heat Death
> of the Universe.
>
> NOTE:
> The Most Fundamental Particles in This Product Are Held Together by a
> "Gluing" Force About Which Little is Currently Known and Whose Adhesive
> Power Can Therefore Not Be Permanently Guaranteed.
>
> ATTENTION:
> Despite Any Other Listing of Product Contents Found Hereon, the Consumer is
> Advised That, in Actuality, This Product Consists Of 99.9999999999% Empty
> Space.
>
> NEW GRAND UNIFIED THEORY DISCLAIMER:
> The Manufacturer May Technically Be Entitled to Claim That This Product Is>
> Ten-Dimensional.
> However, the Consumer Is Reminded That This Confers No Legal Rights Above
> and Beyond Those Applicable to Three-Dimensional Objects, Since the Seven
> New Dimensions Are "Rolled Up" into Such a Small "Area" That They Cannot Be
> Detected.
>
> PLEASE NOTE:
> Some Quantum Physics Theories Suggest That When the Consumer Is Not Directly
> Observing This Product, It May Cease to Exist or Will Exist Only in a Vague
> and Undetermined State.
>
> COMPONENT EQUIVALENCY NOTICE:
> The Subatomic Particles (Electrons, Protons, etc.) Comprising This Product
> Are Exactly the Same in Every Measurable Respect as Those Used in the
> Products of Other Manufacturers, and No Claim to the Contrary May
> Legitimately Be Expressed or Implied.
>
> HEALTH WARNING:
> Care Should Be Taken When Lifting This Product, Since Its Mass, and Thus Its
> Weight, Is Dependent on Its Velocity Relative to the User.
>
> IMPORTANT NOTICE TO PURCHASERS:
> The Entire Physical Universe, Including This Product, May One Day Collapse
> Back into an Infinitesimally Small Space. Should Another Universe
> Subsequently Re-emerge, the Existence of This Product in That Universe
> Cannot Be Guaranteed.
>
> Thank you for your attention
>
>
> ***********************************************************************
> More information about the Informal Science Education Network and the
> Association of Science-Technology Centers may be found at http://www.astc.org.
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>
>
***********************************************************************
More information about the Informal Science Education Network and the
Association of Science-Technology Centers may be found at http://www.astc.org.
To remove your e-mail address from the ISEN-ASTC-L list, send the
message SIGNOFF ISEN-ASTC-L in the BODY of a message to
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