Since you have all been so full of fond reminiscences, amusing stories, and
tales from the fringe lately, I would like to share this idea with you:

At the end of the Cold War, with no major powers to oppose the New World
Order, the military began dismantling some of its more interesting projects.
The Navy had been training porpoises (highly intelligent) to affix explosive
devices to the hulls of enemy vessels and had been training seals (the sea
mammals, not the elite human group) in reconnaissance activities. Likewise,
the Army had been training ground squirrels to detect and detonate land
mines, saving human life and reducing the numbers of a serious pest at the
same time.  Unfortunately, they were not ready for Kosovo. In the last ten
years, many of these animal behavior programs have been converted to benign
civilian uses.

Why could not ground squirrels be utilized in archaeological excavation?
They are already tireless excavators, do not demand minimum wage and
benefits, are not likely to organize, and work around the clock, etc.  Of
course, ground squirrels demonstrate little intellectual ability.  After
successfully crossing a road, they often decide to backtrack under the wheels
of a large vehicle. They are useless in developing research designs or
interpreting data.  However, they can be trained to perform routine
repetitive tasks, such as displacing earth or using tables of random numbers.
Perhaps NSF could sponsor a program to genetically engineer or
psychologically condition them to dig square units with absolutely vertical
sidewalls.  This would free the archaeologist to concentrate on nothing but
recording and completing the final report. We would also have more time for
everyone to pursue more advanced degrees which would lead to meaningful jobs
in teaching, museums or with government agencies. It would certainly end the
loud complaint about commercialization and cutthroat competition in the
discipline!

The above idea was proposed by one of my students from a past year at Mission
San Antonio in the garden one evening after prodigious amounts of liquid
refreshment.  Although I would have to reject the concept as an "unfair labor
practice," I am pleased that alcohol does not always affect student logic.
Top this tale, if you can!