The following appeared under my byline in today's Victoria
Times-Colonist:

   It can scarcely have escaped notice that Bruce More and Connie Foss
   More have between them created more new choirs in Victoria than, well
   than anyone else.  Indeed, it sometimes seems that their ultimate
   goal is to get everybody in Victoria who can sing into one of their
   choirs.

   There is one group, though, that until recently had resisted all
   blandishments.

   Bruce: "There are a lot of people out there who have good voices,
   but who are too embarrassed to sing in public; the only time you'll
   hear them singing is in the shower."

   Hence the new choir.  The Mores use the name VIVA for their younger
   choirs (8-16 years) and PRIMA for the older (16-20s).  Their new,
   adult chorus is to be called The LOOFA Bathroom Choir.

   So far Bruce and Connie have recruited over 30 people for the LOOFA
   choir, and are eagerly seeking more, especially (the old, old story!)
   tenors and basses.

   Rehearsing, though, can be tricky.

   Bruce: "The main problem is that they are all extremely shy about
   singing.  It's the whole reason they're there, of course, so we can't
   complain about it.  Instead we rehearse in the showers at one of the
   local swimming pools; the steam means that nobody can be clearly
   seen, although that can make it difficult for the conductor to make
   his or her wishes clear!"

   The other problem is that rehearsals have to be held "after hours",
   by special arrangement, since men and women are not normally allowed
   into public showers at the same time.

   What about the scores?

   Connie: "It's impossible to keep the music dry, so we have to have
   the scores specially printed on plastic, which isn't cheap.  And the
   choir members who wear glasses do tend to have a harder time -- we
   encourage them to use contact lenses if possible."

   Is there any particular repertoire you're working on?

   Bruce: "Anything that lends itself to long pauses, allowing a
   significant echo, tends to sound great!  We do a lot of foreign
   languages, too, because the words get so muffled it doesn't matter
   if no-one understands or can pronounce the text.  In fact, enunciation
   is not a big issue, as it is with our other choirs.  And Christopher
   Butterfield's timeless arrangement of 'Minnie the Mermaid' is another
   piece we're working on."

   I can also exclusively reveal that they are planning the North
   American (and possibly world) premiere of Fra Pollio's Avanti nel
   Bagno, sciocco di Aprile!  written for bathroom acoustics in the
   16th century, but never performed because it calls for mixed voices.

   Have the rehearsal venues led to any "difficulties"?

   Bruce: "It's surprising how sociable some of the choir members can
   get after rehearsal, considering how shy they are before.  But we do
   encourage partners to come to rehearsal, to reassure themselves that
   everything is above board.  Of course we plan to have segregated
   rehearsals for the PRIMA choir when we get that started.  We don't
   anticipate a need for a VIVA version -- children that young are rarely
   shy enough to qualify."

   Connie: "We have a dress code, as well; obviously people are going
   to wear bathing suits to rehearse and we want to ensure that they
   are not too distracting for the other singers -- people only tend
   to be concerned that the others can't see their faces."

   As for auditions, as Bruce and Connie tell it, most of their current
   members didn't volunteer -- they were volunteered.  Typically their
   partner would arrange for one or other of the Mores to come around
   and listen outside the bathroom door while the potential choir member
   was actually in the shower.

   In that way anyone who failed the audition didn't even realise they
   had been auditioning; although, in fact, it is almost impossible to
   fail.  (There have only been two people who did and in both cases
   their partner turned out to be completely tone deaf)

   But what about that name?

   LOOFA is named, not, as you might think, after the long, sponge-like
   device we use to scrub our backs, but in honour of Loofa Lrip, the
   so-called "Albanian Singing Plumber" who was the toast of European
   Society Bathrooms in the inter-war years.

   The Archduke of Gjirokaster, Loofa was also "Keeper of the Royal
   Bathrooms", a post created by his second cousin, King Zog, to keep
   him under the family's watchful eye.

   The "Plugfinder General" (as the dispossessed liberal intelligentsia
   disparagingly called him) turned out to have hidden talents -- talents
   which only emerged when he started to take his duties seriously and
   make his tours of inspection of the 52 bathrooms in the Royal palace
   at Tirane.

   By all accounts, he had a wonderful lyric tenor voice; but nobody
   could persuade him to perform anywhere except in the bathroom.

   Except King Zog.  An increasing number of influential foreign visitors
   to Tirane heard Loofa's mellifluous tones ringing along the royal
   corridors and asked about the singer.  At a time when Albania was
   still struggling to become independent from the rubble of the Ottoman
   Empire, any favourable foreign press was to be encouraged.

   And so Zog "persuaded" his cousin to embark upon a European tour;
   the Ministry of Culture lined up dates in swimming pools, Turkish
   Baths and similar venues -- anywhere, in fact, with a resonant
   acoustic, water and anonymity.

   The coming of war destroyed his career and today Loofa Lrip is a
   forgotten name, but his spirit lives on here in Victoria.

   Although there are unlikely to be any public concerts by LOOFA in
   the near future, they are actively seeking a recording engineer who
   is willing to subject his or her equipment to high-humidity conditions,
   in which case a LOOFA Bathroom Choir CD might become available.

   Meanwhile, those who, like Zoltan Kodaly, believe that "singing is
   for everyone", can send donations.  Potential donors & choristers
   should call the Mores at 555-5555 for information.

Deryk Barker <[log in to unmask]>