The forward below speaks for itself. It's a little long, but well worth
the laughter.
[Pardon the post to several lists. Below is a paste of program
notes for this Sunday's concert of the Culver Chamber Music Series.
Since it's the day after April Fool's Day... well, you'll see.
Since I wrote it, I accept full blame. But, then, anyone can be
a fool on April Fool's Day, but it takes a *real* fool to do it
on April 2nd.--R.C. Barrows,Composer-In-Residence, Culver Chamber
Music Series]
HAYDN: Quartet in D major Op. 20 No. 4
TOKUNAGA: Midnight Rainbow
BARROWS: Quartet No. 1 "Winter Dance"
*INTERMISSION*
TCHAIKOVSKY: Quartet No. 1 in D major Op.11
Franz Joseph Haydn (1732-1809) nicknamed "Papa Haydn," is best known
as both the Father of the Symphony and the Father of the String
Quartet. However, it is little known that he was also the Uncle of
the Overture, the Brother-In-Law of the Sonata, and the Distant Cousin
of the Concerto. He composed over nine trillion quartets, six billion
concerti, and eighty-seven hundred thousand million jillion thousand
bazillion symphonies. He was the only musician ever to combine
conducting with pole-vaulting, although he did find it very difficult
to wave a 17-foot baton.
Hideaki Tokunaga was born in Japan the son of a prominent sewage
worker. As a child, he began early lessons on the flute, only to
learn later that it was actually a small piece of left-over sewer-pipe
from his father's tool box. Hideaki's family eventually fled Japan,
after that country was repeatedly ravaged by the likes of Godzilla,
Mothra, and Rodan, to live in Los Angeles, which is repeatedly ravaged
by smog, drivers on cell phones, and Celine Dion. In a previous
life, he was a yapping, inbred Pomeranian.
R.C. Barrows, Composer-In-Residence for the Culver Chamber Music
Series, is the illegitimate son of Daffy Duck and Jessica Rabbit.
This explains why his compositions are so animated. He received his
musical training at the Hoboken Institute of Musical Arts and Fish
Market, where he double-majored in Composition and Bait. He would
have received a degree had not all the professors been lost at sea
during an ill-fated tuna run. Mr. Barrows gave up a lucrative
opportunity to achieve fame as a combatant in today's Wrestle-Mania,
foregoing a steel-cage match against the Iron Sheik, to attend today's
concert. He recently turned down a commission from the Vienna
Philharmonic Orchestra because he didn't like the way they were
looking at him. He is nine feet tall.
Peter Ilyich Tchaikovsky (1840-93), in addition to being widely-regarded
as Russia's pre-eminent composer, also invented the bologna sandwich.
While he was making great strides in the disparate areas of developing
the worlds of both Russian music and inserting luncheon meats between
slices of rye bread, he traveled throughout both Europe and the United
States via poodle-drawn carriage, conducting his own works at night,
and spreading mustard during the day. It was on one of these tours
that, while conducting an orchestra of uncooperative players, he
developed the ability to shoot high-powered laser beams from his
eyes, frying the taciturn musicians to a crisp. It was really cool.
Today's Featured Performers
Yi-Huan Zhao, violin, possesses extraordinary musical abilities that
can be explained by the fact that he has twelve fingers on each hand.
He was separated from his parents as an infant during a sojourn
through the forest, and was subsequently raised by pandas. While in
China, he won numerous musical competitions, including that of North
Forest's Most Gifted Racoon-Offshoot. He performs on a violin he
built himself out of Popsicle sticks and rubber bands. His solo
appearances in China included a solo performance at the Shanghai
Symphony Hall. Unfortunately, since it was solo, he was the only
one there, until, that is, the night janitor showed up and kicked
him out. He aspires to be a Teletubbie.
Hwa Wei Chen, violin, first broke into China's music scene
through the window of one of Beijing's more prominent violin shops.
Fortunately, he had a clever lawyer who plea-bargained the charge
down to a misdemeanor if Hwa Wei promised never to play any Stockhausen.
Soon after, he made musical headlines by being the only surviving
member of an orchestra that played Handel's Water Music while actually
under water. This was just as well, for that same ensemble's plans
for Wagner's Magic Fire Music would surely have been even more
disastrous. While in China, he played in numerous musical competitions,
and took many major prizes. However, the judges made him return them
so they could be awarded to the actual winners. He is pleased to
report that he is no longer constipated.
Bo Dong, viola, is, in reality, Princess Milanda of the planet
Zeptoid deep in the Omega Sector of the Andromeda Galaxy. When her
home planet was overrun by hideous hordes of nefarious Numipadrons,
she transported herself across mega-parsecs of space to pose as a
violist on planet Earth, awaiting the day the mother ship would return
for her so she could reclaim her rightful throne among the free-spirited
nymphs of her native planet. Applaud heartily, Earthlings, if you
value your puny planet...Oh, yeah, and she likes cooking and make-up.
Xi Chen, cello, was born in Shanghai, China, which is odd, considering
his mother was in Beijing at the time. He was a member of the Shanghai
Angel String Quartet, which traveled to Europe and won first prize
in Germany's Hamburg Ensemble Competition, the prize for which was
an actual hamburger. He was expelled from the ensemble when the
other members learned that he was not actually an angel. Recently,
Mr. Chen went to Seoul, S. Korea, to attend the Pacific Music
Festival. Unfortunately, the festival was being held in Sapporo,
Japan. He looked really silly playing out there in the park all by
himself. There is nearly a 50-50 chance that he will be sober for
today's concert.
-Jocelyn Wang
Culver Chamber Music Series
Come see our web page: www.bigfoot.com/~CulverMusic
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