I think you are teaching us a wonderful lesson! Pat in SNJ > > Marlene ( and welcome to you!) brings up a very interesting question, > about > using our own voices in our work. > > In the beginning of my career, I was trained not to show any emotions. > This > was called "professional" behavior and was encouraged. "Don't weep when > the > baby dies because the parents need you to be strong." This carried into my > work with childbirth education and breastfeeding help. One of the senior > educators was held up as a role model because parents never knew how she > felt about "breast or bottle". She had so completely submerged her voice > and > was completely focused on making sure the parents were free to make a > choice. > > Fast forward to the cases that I remember and regret the most. Ones such > as > this one: The mother wanted to breastfeed, was having trouble, had been > told > by her doctor that it really didn't make any difference, and who asked me, > "What would you recommend?" Me, who wanted to keep her job as hospital LC, > and god forbid, not contradict a physician. I bailed out and will always > be > sorry. > > What I've learned over the years is how to use my voice. This is totally > different to suppressing it. > > So I can say, "I understand your doctor said "X". In my professional > opinion, based on my experience and research, I have to disagree. Here's > why." > > I can say, after a mother tells me that she quit breastfeeding after 3 > days, > "Oh, I am so sorry to hear that. What happened." (instead of the "Hurray, > you breastfed for 3 days and maybe next baby you'll breastfeed for 4!!) > > I can say, after hearing a heartbreaking story from a mother who has > survived the slaughter of a technologically driven birth, "I am so upset > after hearing what you went through....I can't imagine how YOU must feel." > > In these cases, I honor my feelings without asking the mother to take care > of them. I provide a sounding board for her to lean on, a true support. > She > is telling me her story. I would be a robot if I didn't react somehow. My > job is to do it in a way that augments her expression. This can include > disagreeing with her, and asking her to consider another point of view. > > What do you all think? > > warmly, > Nikki Lee > > *********************************************** > > Archives: http://community.lsoft.com/archives/LACTNET.html > To reach list owners: [log in to unmask] > Mail all list management commands to: [log in to unmask] > COMMANDS: > 1. To temporarily stop your subscription write in the body of an email: > set lactnet nomail > 2. To start it again: set lactnet mail > 3. To unsubscribe: unsubscribe lactnet > 4. To get a comprehensive list of rules and directions: get lactnet > welcome *********************************************** Archives: http://community.lsoft.com/archives/LACTNET.html To reach list owners: [log in to unmask] Mail all list management commands to: [log in to unmask] COMMANDS: 1. To temporarily stop your subscription write in the body of an email: set lactnet nomail 2. To start it again: set lactnet mail 3. To unsubscribe: unsubscribe lactnet 4. To get a comprehensive list of rules and directions: get lactnet welcome