Dear Friends: I wrote last week about the mother who didn't believe she had milk, until she expressed some and squirted me in the chest! I went back to her today for the final visit. She isn't breastfeeding. She 'doesn't have milk'. I couldn't reach her; I told her I was said that I couldn't help her accept her abundance of milk. But breastfeeding is the last thought for her. She told me her story. She lives with her husband (an arranged marriage) and his mother. Her husband hits her (which is culturally accepted), and is hassling her now. He wants to know why she had a cesarean, and is angry with her because she can't work. Her parents lived in this country until 2 years ago. Her father died, and her mother went back to India because her husband wouldn't permit his mother-in-law to live in his house. This mother keeps her mother's picture by the bed. She said, "Sometimes I cry" and tears flowed as she talked of her mother. They do talk on the telephone. The pressure is on this woman now to deliver a son next time. She was asking me where she could find a doctor who will do as they do in India, take an ultrasound in the first trimester and do an abortion if the baby is a girl. I told her that I didn't know of such a place in the USA, and that isn't the custom here. While the practices she describes are not in line to what we in the States ( and in the world) aspire, her beliefs and point of view are as strong as anyone's. The mores of the world will not change fast enough to have impact on this lonely, suffering lady. Her husband will punish her if she has another girl baby. She wanted to know how to have a normal birth next time. I gave her the name of the Farm and suggested she find a doula or a direct entry midwife. She hates the cesarean and doesn't want another. I told her that she would have to prepare as much for the next baby as she did for her big secondary school examination. I am upset at her distress, and with this glimpse of a woman's life from another culture. And this is in my neighborhood, in a nice apartment not to far from where I live. Breastfeeding is not her concern now; she said, "Maybe next time." Maybe if she delivers a son? Oh dear. warmly, Nikki Lee RN, MS, Mother of 2, IBCLC, CCE Maternal-Child Adjunct Faculty Union Institute and University Film Reviews Editor, Journal of Human Lactation Support the WHO Code and the Mother-Friendly Childbirth Initiative *********************************************** To temporarily stop your subscription: set lactnet nomail To start it again: set lactnet mail (or digest) To unsubscribe: unsubscribe lactnet All commands go to [log in to unmask] The LACTNET mailing list is powered by L-Soft's renowned LISTSERV(R) list management software together with L-Soft's LSMTP(R) mailer for lightning fast mail delivery. For more information, go to: http://www.lsoft.com/LISTSERV-powered.html