I have just gone nomail (driving from Maine to California--and back--with my
family!)
but couldn't resist passing on this intersting article. I have included just his
conclusions and the link to the full text.
Food for thought, as we all (hopefully) strive for peace and goodwill!

~Virginia Bobro,
IBCLC, CD(DONA)
Casco, Maine

Full text of article at:
http://mba.vanderbilt.edu/ray.friedman/

Conclusion:
>>Recommendations For Managing Disputes
Although our main objective in this paper is to present a conceptual model on which
future empirical research can be conducted, we also offer recommendations for how
users of e-mail can better manage disputes. Most broadly, our analysis suggests that
e-mail is not the preferred way to manage disputes – there are too many risks. If
there is an option to walk down the hallway or make a phone call, that is generally
preferred. However, this may not always be possible, due to either space or time
constraints. When e-mail is used to manage conflict, participants need to become
more self-aware and manage their reactions carefully.
First, they need to recognize that some perceived insults are not intended and are
an artifact of the technology – the other party may be acting based on lack of
feedback or social cues, excess rumination, or confusion caused by argument
bundling. It also may be true that one’s own interpretation of what is communicated
via e-mail is especially biased.
Second, watch for indications of enhanced aggressiveness. Check yourself when you
wish to respond angrily to ensure that that is what you really wish to do.
Third, recognize that a response made with good intentions can be easily
misinterpreted as being more aggressive than intended. Think through what meanings
might be attached to your statement and adjust the statement accordingly.
Fourth, remind yourself of any relationship you have with the other party, and
include in your message reminders of the relationship. This will reduce the tendency
to de-individuate the other and for him or her to de-individuate you.
Fifth, watch for tendencies towards hyper-rationality – remember that
differencesoccur, and are resolved, through emotion, affect, and relationships, not
just logical argument.
Sixth, try to generate as much interaction back and forth as possible, and avoid
bundling large numbers of arguments together that might overwhelming. Quick feedback
will allow both sides to make adjustments before misunderstandings accumulate.
As a reminder, we are not condemning the use of e-mail. It is an extremely useful
tool that allows us to communicate with many people, over greater distances, more
clearly (Garton & Wellman, 1995) and can help transform organizations into
“networked” forms (Dickson, DeSanctis, Poole & Jackson, 1997). Moreover, e-mail does
not turn all communications into escalated conflicts. But e-mail does have some
characteristics that make it highly susceptible to conflict escalation: E-mails
reduces feedback and social cues, allows for excess attention to be focused on
statements made, introduces new tactics (such as argument bundling) that can lead to
the use of heavy tactics, makes the other’s party’s tactics seem more heavy, creates
deindividuation, enhances biased perceptions of the other party, and makes it harder
to resolve disputes. As a result, escalation is more likely than would be the case
in face-to-face or phone communication. These problems can be managed, and perhaps –
over time – most people will be come skilled enough in e-mail and aware enough of
its risks that the effects we propose will disappear. For the time being – and
probably into the foreseeable future—we must use caution regarding how we act when
addressing and resolving disputes via e-mail.<<

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