In a message dated 11/25/03 3:49:20 PM Eastern Standard Time, [log in to unmask] writes: I wonder if a lot of the mothers who say something to the effect of, "I don't think he's EATING, I think he's just using me as a pacifier" (a phrase that causes the little hairs on my neck to stand up and scream out loud....) have not been touched a lot themselves as children. What do you all say when a mom says that to you? Dear Friends: Jan asks a $64,000 question. (I have the same reaction when I hear a mother say that!) My response depends on my relationship with her, how long I have known her, how I am feeling that particular day. Sometimes I say, "The pacifier was invented as a mother substitute." Sometimes I say, "Except a pacifier doesn't give milk, and if your baby is suckling, she is getting milk." Mostly I teach about the many different roles the breast plays in a baby's world. I ask her if she can tell if her husband is hungry. She can. I ask her if she can tell when her husband is thirsty. She can. The behaviors are different. I ask if she can tell if her husband has a headache or a sore back. She can; she knows from his behaviors that he needs an aspirin or a heating pad. I ask her if she can tell when her husband wants some affection. She can! Aha...........4 different needs, 4 different behaviors. We take a minute to discuss this picture. If she doesn't have a husband, one can use the example of any adult she knows well. But a baby is very different to an adult. A baby gets all those needs met in the same way, by suckling at the breast. For a baby, the breast is love, drink, food, medicine, entertainment, comfort and a bunch of other things. We never know why a baby wants to go to breast, and we don't need to. It is easier to give the breast. I don't know how well this explanation works, but it feels like it gets through......sometimes. It is so difficult to work in a field where the baby is considered the enemy, some wicked manipulator, or something to be controlled. warmly, Nikki Lee RN, MS, Mother of 2, IBCLC, CIMI, CCE, craniosacral therapy Adjunct faculty, Union Institute and University, Maternal and Child Health: Lactation Consulting Supporting the WHO Code and the Mother Friendly Childbirth Initiative *********************************************** To temporarily stop your subscription: set lactnet nomail To start it again: set lactnet mail (or digest) To unsubscribe: unsubscribe lactnet All commands go to [log in to unmask] The LACTNET mailing list is powered by L-Soft's renowned LISTSERV(R) list management software together with L-Soft's LSMTP(TM) mailer for lightning fast mail delivery. For more information, go to: http://www.lsoft.com/LISTSERV-powered.html