On Tue, 2003-01-28 at 11:22, Teresa Pitman wrote: > My guess is that the mother is reacting to her baby being a different gender > than expected. I remember seeing a mother years ago who was told after an > ultrasound that her baby was a boy, only to discover at birth that it was, > in fact, a girl. She told me it felt like she'd been given the "wrong" baby. I'd like to second this. Having a baby of the opposite gender to what was expected is recognized as an unexpected outcome, and parents may be hit just as hard as if the baby was born with a birth defect. Parents invest a lot of emotional energy in the third trimester into their relationship with the unborn baby. It can be a massive adjustment if, say, the parents thought they were having a girl, but a boy is born instead. There they are, having talked to the baby in utero as a girl for a few months, dreamed about their little girl, and lo and behold that baby that is born is not the baby that they thought was being born. They may have gone out in typically American Affluenza fashion and done the baby's room in pinks and bought lots of lacy baby clothes. It can be a huge adjustment. Some parents can roll with it and others can't and so need a little more help. They need to know that it's normal to need some time to adapt to the situation; but that the infant does need their help now! regards, Beth perinatal educator, pp doula -- /\/\ Beth Johnson / o o\ Cosmic Wonderer ( / ^^\) Springfield, MA USA \ M_M/ "Ruling a country is like cooking a small fish-- you have to handle it with care."--Lao Tzu *********************************************** To temporarily stop your subscription: set lactnet nomail To start it again: set lactnet mail (or digest) To unsubscribe: unsubscribe lactnet All commands go to [log in to unmask] The LACTNET mailing list is powered by L-Soft's renowned LISTSERV(R) list management software together with L-Soft's LSMTP(TM) mailer for lightning fast mail delivery. For more information, go to: http://www.lsoft.com/LISTSERV-powered.html