> Some administrators of medical institutions say we should not make moms feel > guilty. What? By using the word guilt, they have presented the issue of > infant feeding in terms of a right and a wrong. When I talk to moms in > regard to infant feeding decisions or weaning I talk about regrets. Will > you regret this decision to wean now? Will you regret bottle-feeding this > baby? Regret is about sorrow, about grief. I suggest that we quit talking > about guilt, a social marketing tool to silence people. Instead, we need to > present to others the concept of regret and the need to limit the amount of > regrets we have in our lifetime. I have alot of regrets in my 50 years of > living but no regrets about breastfeeding all my children. Guilt is for > wrong-doing. Women bottlefed for many reasons and most of the reasons are > because our culture is guilty of not supporting breastfeeding. > Valerie W. McClain, IBCLC > The last time someone commented to me that women shouldn’t be made to feel guilty for not breastfeeding, I said, “Of course not! I want women to feel competent and fulfilled, not guilty. Things that are necessary for life feel good, whether it’s eating when you are hungry or resting when you are tired. Until a hundred years ago, not being breastfed was virtually a death sentence for an infant, so it’s reasonable that nature has put a great deal of pleasure into suckling a baby to ensure survival of the species. I want women to feel good about themselves in all their reproductive roles; to have pain-free periods, pleasurable intercourse, healthy pregnancies, satisfying child births, and successful breastfeeding for as long as they and their babies enjoy it. I make no apologies for promoting feminine fulfillment.” He looked stunned and changed the subject before I could say that in my 35 years as a mother who breastfed, I’ve found that what at first seems to be guilt usually proves to be regret or grief. We need to reframe the terms of the debate from one of a burdensome task for women to a one of biological fulfillment. While men have only one interpersonal sexual relationship, intercourse, women have two, intercourse and breastfeeding. Consider the difference in attitude toward these two reproductive roles. Consider what the reception would be for the suggestion that intercourse be replaced by masturbation with plastic prostheses and artificial insemination. Modern Western maternity care was shaped in a social milieu that did not expect much sexual satisfaction for women. When I came to sexual maturity in the USA in the 1950’s, women were frequently advised to engage in intercourse out of love for their husbands rather than an expectation that they would enjoy it for themselves. People were comfortable with wives and mothers serving and sacrificing for their families. The idea that a woman might suffer to breastfeed her baby was acceptable but the idea that it might be sensually enjoyable made people very uncomfortable. This attitude shows up today in criticism toward a mother who is nursing an older baby when someone says with disapproval, “She is doing it just to please herself. The baby doesn’t need it any more.” Perhaps the doctor insisting on the ‘no coercion, no guilt’ statement feels he is gallantly protecting women from an onerous burden. Resistance to breastfeeding has multiple and complex roots, many based in feelings about what is sexually appropriate. It is not at all surprising that we often encounter resistance that is very difficult to deal with. I generally deal with people favorably disposed toward breastfeeding and so I seldom have the opportunity to try to open eyes. I did once have an interesting conversation revolving around the reasons cats nurse their young with someone who thought that teenage mothers couldn’t breastfeed because they were too irresponsible. Alice Martino [log in to unmask] *********************************************** The LACTNET mailing list is powered by L-Soft's renowned LISTSERV(R) list management software together with L-Soft's LSMTP(TM) mailer for lightning fast mail delivery. For more information, go to: http://www.lsoft.com/LISTSERV-powered.html