Re the whole discussion of "don't offer, don't refuse" -- seems to me we have two extremes here, and not a lot of tolerance for the middle ground on the one hand, you have the 'extreme' attachment-parent types who nurse the baby at any squeak, never put the baby down, nurse until the child wants to wean, even if that is long past when the mother herself would have preferred on the other hand, you have the 'extreme' non-attachment-parent types who nurse on a rigid 4 hour schedule, never pick the baby up, make the baby sleep in a separate room, don't respond to cries, and wean at 6 months or whenever When pressed as to how long I recommend mothers and children should breastfeed, I always say that I think it should be entirely up to the mother and child. Give the mother accurate information about what is normal for the species (2.5 to 7 years), what is recommended by various health agencies (a minimum of 2 years by the WHO, no maximum; a minimum of 1 year by the AAP, no maximum), what the research suggests (increasing benefits up to the age of 2 years, no research there after). Then let the mother and child decide. I see nothing wrong with the mother deciding that it is time to wean -- whenever that may be. Hopefully she takes all the information into account, as well as her own child's needs, personality, health, etc. Can you tell I weaned two of my children? The only child that practiced child-led weaning was Peter, who refused to nurse any more at the tender age of 4 months. I am also a firm believer in pre-emptive nursing. This is when you offer to nurse even though the child is doing something else because you are getting ready to go somewhere in the car, or getting ready to go somewhere you don't feel comfortable nursing, etc. So you get in a nursing before you leave the house. Just like sending the older child to the potty right before you get in the car. I don't think advocating "Child in Charge" is any more useful in the real world than advocating "Mother in Charge". Breastfeeding is an intimate physical relationship between two people, both of whose needs and wishes should be taken into account. Kathy Dettwyler _________________________________________________________________ Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com *********************************************** The LACTNET mailing list is powered by L-Soft's renowned LISTSERV(R) list management software together with L-Soft's LSMTP(TM) mailer for lightning fast mail delivery. For more information, go to: http://www.lsoft.com/LISTSERV-powered.html