Since I sort of began this whole thread on supporting a mothers decision
to wean, I feel compelled to respond to the many posts.  First, to Ann
S.,  Welcome to lactnet.  How sad for you to have lost your precious
child, but how lucky he was for receiving your breastmilk. It sounds
like you have a lot of experience in helping mothers and babies and
thanks for pointing out your reaction to my earlier post, "breastfeeding
and lupus."

You are right, there is nothing wrong with supporting a mother's
decision to stop breastfeeding, but not on the altar of ignorance. When
I work with mothers, I support their goals for their breastfeeding
experience, whether their goals are to breastfeed for 2 months or 2
years. I totally support a mother's *informed* decision.

But, in my earlier post, my remarks were directed to a
not-so-well-informed-family member, who's two previous weanings left her
crying with grief and frustration, because her goals of breastfeeding
were not met.

She breastfed her second for 2 years intended to breastfeed the third
"at least a year." When it got rough (maternal lupus, bad thrush,
teething, sick kids), she called me and mentioned her plan to wean a
7-month old cold turkey by going away for a long weekend. Her doctor
told her to pick between 2 formulas to "help with weaning." She then
asked which formula to choose.  I asked her if her doctor helped her
with increasing her milk supply, and she said, "No, so I told her, "your
formula--breastmilk."

So if I had said, "formula XYZ" would that give her the message that
formula was just as good?  This is not the message I want to give. I
wanted to let her know that there was an alternative.

I see so many, many mothers battle huge obstacles just to provide
breastmilk for preemie or ill babies. It's so sad to see some mothers
throw away such a precious gift, all because of misinformation.

My sister-in-law weaned her first at 2 mos because she chose to smoke 2
packs+ a day, rather than to breastfeed.(Emphasis: she chose) The second
child weaned cold turkey, (despite my mentioning my concerns) as I
mentioned. She lamented about those experiences. The third child's
weaning is sure to add trauma to an already stressed family.

My brother(6'4, tough-guy) cried when the first child was weaned too
early. I've never seen him cry before. He pleaded with me to help his
wife.  I mention all this because there are many long, complex issues
involved with some weaning processes, whether initiated by the mother or
by the baby, as in a nursing strike.

Certainly, I wouldn't respond so judgmentally to a client or other
mother. I was venting on lactnet because the of past support I have
received from other lactnetters.  I have always found lactnetters to be
empathetic and encouraging.  Your response has helped me see that
perhaps my post was a little too harsh.

Thanks to everyone who contributed to this thread. In a perfect world,
moms would never become ill and babies would nurse for as long as they
wanted.

Heidi in New Mexico

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