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LACTNET Home

LACTNET Home

LACTNET  October 1998, Week 2

LACTNET October 1998, Week 2

Subject:

Dr. Paula website - long

From:

Janet Vandenberg <[log in to unmask]>

Reply-To:

Lactation Information and Discussion <[log in to unmask]>

Date:

Thu, 8 Oct 1998 22:51:50 -0400

Content-Type:

text/plain

Parts/Attachments:

Parts/Attachments

text/plain (154 lines)

I think the problems with the information on this site are far
deeper than just a little misinformation.
Take at look at the relevant sections of her book quoted on the
site. Sorry this is so long but it was hard to decide what to cut
out.

On this page:     http://www.drpaula.com/book/lovefeed.html

               "There is little that bonds a relationship more than
               having the responsibility for another person's
               sustenance. Feeding is supportive in the most basic
               way. It's not uncommon for fathers to feel left out
               of the incredibly intense relationship that is
               evolving between mother and baby even when the
               mother is bottle feeding. It's not just nursing
               mothers who exclude fathers, but certainly breast
               feeding accentuates the issue. The husband may
               be looking longingly at his wife, whose breasts no
               longer seem to "belong" to him, and at his baby
               who doesn't seem to need him much either. It's
               also often uncomfortable for most women to
               resume sexual relations with their husbands while
               they are breast feeding - their breasts are leaking
               milk, and often hurt. All of this may delay husband
               and wife becoming a couple again. And now there
               appears to be a new couple in the house - mom
               and the baby.

               In general there are two reasons why mothers have
               problems with sharing the feeding - particularly
               breast feeding mothers.

               1. Some women have heard if they use a relief
               bottle of any sort the baby will have nipple
               confusion - she will be confused between the
               action needed to suck on a breast nipple and the
               action needed to suck on a rubber nipple. The
               truth is that very little confusion actually occurs
as
               long as you don't repeatedly switch back and forth
               - - if it's only done once a day, or you've already
               established breast feeding over the first two or
               three weeks there is usually no problem. I can't
               recall ever seeing a case of true nipple confusion
               under these conditions. Obviously if you are bottle
               feeding there is no confusion at all.

               2. The second reason strikes right at the heart of
               the matter. Many new mothers don't want to lose
               control of the nurturing experience. Breast feeding
               mothers are not bonded any closer to their babies
               than bottle feeding mothers, but they often believe
               that breast milk is superior and it's something only
               they can really do. I've heard mothers say with
               pride, "My baby wants nothing but me." It's a
               badge of honor some mothers wear: "nothing has
               passed her lips except breast milk." This can easily
               cause fathers to withdraw and even fade out of the
               immediate picture. As one dad in a new father's
               group lamented, "I don't have breasts. What can I
               do?" Similarly bottle feeding mothers are often
               possessive: it's as if they think the hand that holds

               the bottle "owns" the baby! Some moms feel they
               have learned all of the tricks of the bottle-feeding
               trade and are a little jealous if dad too easily
steps
               right in and succeeds.

                   Fathers should be encouraged to participate
                   in feeding in a meaningful way. In the past,
                   fathers used to be the person who fed the
                   baby a bottle in the middle of the night.
                   Breast feeding mothers may let their
                   husbands feed baby a bottle of pumped
                   breast milk at that late hour. I find that there
                   is something very illogical and unfair about
                   that. It's not quite right to expect your
                   husband to happily bond at two in the
                   morning when he is likely to be exhausted.
                   You are really tossing him the crumbs of
                   feeding by giving him the least desirable time.
                   I suggest that new mothers understand that
                   fathers also get to bond when they get to
                   feed. Letting him feed the baby is an
                   important step to bringing your threesome
                   together and closing the gaps between you
                   and your mate. Make a place for him. Now.

                   (Actually, there is a new, very 90's, device
                   which allows fathers to practically breast
                   feed. It's a bra with two sacks and nipples on
                   the end. The father slips the device on, after
                   filling it with milk and he can "breast feed." I
                   personally think this is carrying things a little

                   too far, but there are fathers who say it has
                   helped them feel part of the experience.)

                   A father can participate in feeding even if the
                   mother wants to exclusively breast feed and
                   is really uncomfortable with adding a bottle.
                   One lovely way is for the father to hold his
                   wife while she feeds the baby. Often it's in
                   bed: usually late in the evening or early in the
                   morning. Make it cozy and meaningful. This
                   can be very rewarding if you are willing to let
                   your partner be a part of it.
                   If your husband does feed the baby then you
                   have to let him do it his way. Some mothers
                   feel they are the experts, the professional,
                   and the husband is sort of an amateur. Yes, it
                   is difficult to watch someone who appears
                   inept, who fumbles around with a bottle, so
                   that maybe milk even slurps down baby's
                   chin. The temptation is to step in and say,
                   "No, honey, do it this way," or "Let me do
                   it." Resist this and let the father and baby
                   fumble on their own a little bit. They will
                   work it out if you let them.

               We know that a very special relationship does
               develop between the baby and the person who
               feeds her. Up to three months baby optimally can
               see clearest at the distance from your arms to your
               eyes. That's what goes on during feeding - there is
               eye contact between baby and her feeder. It makes
               for memories of early love, and it's truly sad when
               father misses out on these moments. Later on,
               you'll be rewarded by the close relationship
               between father and child. Studies show that fathers
               who feed their babies play with them more as well."

And this one:     http://www.drpaula.com/book/feedatt.html

 "If you are breast feeding you may have questions
               about when to stop. This is a very personal issue.
               Your body will respond to demand for at least the
               first 5-6 months. In very few cases does the
               natural cycle of breast feeding start to turn itself
               off earlier. There are many ways to part-wean,
               particularly if you want to go back to work.
               Remember that greater than 80% of immunity is
               transferred to the baby in the first three months so
               that this is often the time when mothers do choose
               to wean."

There seem to be some deep seated beliefs and attitudes here that
may be difficult to influence but it is always worth a try.
--
Janet Vandenberg, RN, BScN,
Newmarket, Ontario, Canada
[log in to unmask]

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