"Choose to refuse" is not a phrase I've used to a mother!  Unless I'm 
talking about the fact they are bottle feeding, but they DIDN'T choose 
to refuse.  In other words, they wanted to breastfeed, but it went 
wrong, usually from bad support.

It's a phrase that's used when discussing the principles, in arguments, 
not with actual mothers looking for support. A way of not talking about 
'choosing formula'.  A lactavist phrase.

After all, the primal moment is a rejection of the baby from the 
breast.  Only after you've decided that, do you then go on to decide 
what to feed it instead.

Just another way of breaking down the 'formula is normal' culture.

But, like a said, more a lactavist tool than a counselling one.  I gave 
a talk over the summer, with the principles laid out of looking at the 
dynamics of the actual processes, rather than looking at how we talk 
about it.  Even 'tho the room was full of those 'on board', when I 
showed a slide of a mother's breast in profile, with a baby's profile 
mouth reaching to open for the breast, and a big red X over the mother's 
breast - as that was the choice being made You Shall Not Breastfeed, 
there was an audible gasp.

It's also useful in stopping the whole "But I didn't want to breastfeed, 
tell me I'm a bad mother?" whinging when trolls alight on discussions.  
"Fine.  Every woman has the right to choose to refuse her breast.  It's 
her breast, she gets to say who has access to it.  End of."  Move on.

But, as I said, some mothers who were failed, like it.  They did NOT 
choose to refuse, and they ended up not having the baby on their breast 
anyway.

Morgan Gallagher

Debbi Heffern wrote:
> "Some don't seem to realise they will lactate - they've not ticked 
> the box.  :-(  "
>
> Morgan, the moms always seem to have a light-bulb moment when I explain to them that their breasts don't know that their brain decided not to breastfeed.
>
> I'm intrigued by your wording of "refuse the baby."  Hmmmm.  Powerful!
> Not sure it would go over well with my clients . . .  How do yours respond?
>
>   

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