Have been watching the recent discussing about "trying to nurse" with
interest, and had to add my $.02.

About fifteen years ago I received a very thorough but basic training as a
hypnotist, and almost the first thing we were told and encouraged to do, was
to eliminate the word "try" from our vocabularies.   The point was that
"try" carries with it the expectation of an ability to fail.  It is not an
easy word to replace, but replacing it implicitly changes the message we
give, whether we are giving it consciously or un-.

When we say "trying" that is a process short of achieving the goal.  It
means we are still not being successful.  OTOH, one says "doing the best
possible" or "working at" it implies actively pursuing a success.  And in
fact you are always achieving little successes along the way, even if the
final achievement is still elusive.

When moms tell me they are going to try to breast feed, I ask them what they
mean by try or why they think they won't succeed  (assuming that they are in
a receptive stage -- as they are pushing is not the time!!)

    Sometimes they are using the word without intent -- they mean they plan
to initiate breastfeeding (and hope it works).

    Sometimes they mean exactly that they intend to try -- but they have
friends who have been unsuccessful, so there is the expectation that they
might be  unsuccessful themselves.

    Or they had a previous experience that was unsuccessful, or not
completely successful, by whatever measure they use -- but they still want
to give this baby the opportunity to breastfeed.

    And sometimes they mean they're not that interested in it, for whatever
reason, but they'll give it a chance and see if it could work for them.

What do I use instead of try -- as I said above, "work toward" or "do the
best you can" are two substitutes (especially in coping with labor).   When
a baby is not interested in nursing immediately, I talk about "offering" the
breast occasionally, as opposed to "trying."  When a particular position
isn't effective for the pair I am working with, rather than "trying"a new
position, I suggest that there is another position for breastfeeding that
often helps (whatever situation) -- "let me show you..." or "let me help you
with the ...(whatever hold)."

Of course, all of this is done with lots of explanations and discussion of
the normal process, so we can look for the little achievements along the
way.  See, first the baby is just lying there, but making little mouth
movements -- now he's starting to look around -- now he's kicking his legs
and arching his back a bit -- now he's crawling towards your breast -- now
he's aggressively rooting -- now he's learning to use his tongue more
effectively -- and NOW HE'S NURSING!!!!!

So, she says tongue-in-cheekly, don't use negatives, and try to eliminate
the word try.

Good luck.  Chanita

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