As the product of a thwarted nursing relationship with my own mother,
and the mother of a son who was nursed until he was done, the subject
of extended nursing vs. weaning remains with me.  I can only now be
grateful that possibly  because of the difficulties with my mother, i
was forced to get clear about the need to make real choices for
myself in my life.  That in addition to a sense that, more than we
like to admit, we suffer from a lot of rootlessness in the US, lead
me to firmly believe, one cannot trust popular opinions!  Hardly
anyone knows where their thinking comes from, and that's probably
also true in 'traditional cultures' as well.
        So, nursing for me is still viewed as that chance to heal
from the past and start anew.  That is to allow a truly new beginning
for my son.  When he finally stopped, he clearly decided.  One day he
said, "I'm not going to do this anymore after the next time."  And he
didn't.  By then of course, he knew I was ready.  My son is 22 now
and i've no doubt that our relationship is stronger and more
meaningful, for both of us, because of our time as a nursing couple.
        During that time I knew two things: I didn't want him marked
by the trauma or subtle coercion of weaning; and that as a partner in
a nursing couple relationship (as he got older), there would be times
when my needs had to be met.  That is, he's have to wait, or give me
space or take no for an answer.  I also reasoned that it was a
healthy part of his learning to know how to make room for another's
needs, an essential part of any relationship.  I also felt that this
helped me to grow as a mother, to be more in touch with his needs and
to somehow have the patience to nurture my husband as well.  And I've
no doubt that my husband's support helped preserve our marriage
(which wasn't always easy).
        This is why i continue to lerk here at Lactnet, because there
aren't too  many places I'd get to say all this and have a chance of
being understood.  Thanks for the opporunity.

Ekua Sharp

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