If this mother's breastfeeding relationship is a priority and her lawyer has
stated that he cannot help her protect that relationship, then this mom might
want to consider the services of another lawyer.  I have three children and
was separated and divorced from my husband when the last child was an infant.
 The first lawyer I hired was obviously unsympathetic with my case--in fact
information he gave me financially was beneficial to my ex not me (found this
out much later).  I talked to other divorced women and found a local lawyer
with great experience who was usually successful in getting what his clients
wanted.  It cost me a deposit with the one lawyer and the new lawyer was far
more expensive than the first.  But I had someone on my side.  This is very
similiar to what I suggest mothers do when making choices about doctors.   If
you perceive that the person you are paying is not on your side or isn't
listening to you, then it's time to walk--no run out of that office.

I also had the benefit of hearing Liz Baldwin speak on this issue and used
her information to negotiate the kind of visitation I could live with.  I
told my husband I was divorcing that I wanted him to have as much time with
his children as possible.  I told my lawyer that I wanted my husband to have
as much time with his children as possible.  I said this with gritted teeth
because at that time in my life I felt the absolute opposite.  I remembered
what Liz Baldwin had said in regard to one parent denying visitation to
another parent.  When the legal system perceives that one parent is denying
visitation in order to retaliate against the other parent, then they do not
have much or any sympathy to the parent who is denying or limiting
visitation.

I think it is always important to make a first statement that makes it clear
to everyone that the mom believes that the father should have visitation with
their children.  The mom is not denying visitation but rather negotiating for
visitations that increase over time.

For instance, my ex and I negotiated that the older children went with him on
the weekends but the baby stayed only 2 hours a day during the weekends and
that if she cried I was to be called.  The time increased to the point that
at 3 years old she spent overnights but still with the stipulation that if
she needed me, he'd call me.  It was complicated at times but it worked out
and yes there were times when I cried about it.  But I am ever so thankful
that we negotiated this ourselves rather than the legal system.  I
compromised and at the time I felt like I had lost something--time with my
kids.  But in reflection, 9 years later, I think it was the right thing to
do.  Unless the father is abusive in anyway, fathers do need access and time
with their children.  And more importantly children need access and time with
their Dads.  Babies need some time with their Dads and single moms need a
break from the intense parenting that goes on when you are by yourself.  What
is needed is a rational step-by-step time frame that is flexible to meet the
needs of the infant not the parent.

I therefore think a letter from a MD should first begin with the mom's
obvious belief that a father should have plenty of access to his children.
(mom tried this early on and Dad wasn't interested).  But then I would
discuss the obvious needs of the infant for its mother (ages and stages of
development).   This mother because she has to work for survival will have
little or no access to her infant, if the father takes the infant during the
weekends.  I would discuss the difficulty of maintaining a milk supply with
limited access to the infant.  Many working moms use the weekends they are
off to build a supply that has dwindled during the week because of
stress.etc.  I would not suggest or imply in any way in this letter that
breastfeeding is a reason for limited visitation.  Rather I'd turn it around,
and suggest that gradual increasing visitations of the infant are beneficial
to both mother and father.

You know mostly I wrote this to publicly thank Liz Baldwin, who probably
never knew how much her information/her presentations helped me when I faced
the unthinkable.    I really don't think we want to create the idea that
breastfeeding is the reason for limiting visitation.  Rather we want to
create the idea that supportive breastfeeding practices and step-by-step
visitation for Dads meets the needs of the infant.  Many many thanks to Liz
Baldwin,  Valerie W. McClain, IBCLC



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