Hi all,
In Reagrds to Judy's question I'd like to share a personal story.

When I was in my preteens, my mom married a psychotic jerk who took great joy
in molesting me.  In my later teens and early 20's I was raped 3 times.
 Needless to say, sex is a touchy issue for me, even with several years of
therapy.  Thank goodness my husband is understanding and not pushy!  When I
am ok with sex, then fine, if not that's ok too.
When I had my first son,at age 19, I BF him for 2 reasons.  1) it was cheap
and 2) (Here goes a confession) a misplaced interest in the sexual feeling of
BF.
It was not a desire to give the best to my son, because I had grown up to
believe, like so many other misguided souls, that ABM was as good as
breastmilk.  I had never seen another woman BF.  I just thought it might be a
neat sexual thrill.  I struggle with those past feelings now because I
realize how mixed up Iwas at the time.
When I had my 2nd son, at age 28, it was a whole different story.  I BF my
2nd son because I wanted to give him the best I could, breastmilk.  I was
interested in his health, and the closeness we could share as a nursing
couple.  The fact that it was free played a part, but this time not a
deciseive part.  It is no longer a sexual thrill to nurse, though at times it
feels like a sexual thing, it is a healthy feeling not misplaced as it was
years ago.
I have a couple of clients who revealed to me the reason why they will NOT
put their baby to breast.  They simply cannot do it.  The best these women
can do is pump and feed in a bottle.  They want to give their baby the best
that they can give, but the thought of putting the baby to breast is just too
much to bear.
One client was sexually abused for years by her father.  To her sex and any
feelings related to sex are too painful.  She goes to therapy twice a week in
order to cope.  She also has a loving understanding husband who doesn't push.
 She had tried to BF from the source, but became physically ill every time
she tried.  Pumping is hard for her, but it is not a *Person* attached to
her, so that makes it better.  This is how she copes.  She has been pumping
for 6 months, her baby gets only EBM, and everyone is as happy as can be
expected.  When I asked her if she would try to BF a second child, she said
she'd have to wait and see, but probly not.  The pump is impersonal and not a
threat.
The other client is in a similar boat.  She wants to give her baby the best
she can, but because of sexual abuse it is just not possible.  When she tried
to BF, she got so angry at the baby it scared her.
Some women can survive through sexual abuse and BF without physical or
emotional problems occuring.  Others can't.  It's a coping mechanism that
keeps these women from doing something that will harm them more, or will
cause them to have angry feelings toward the baby.
I support any woman who chooses to pump and feed in a bottle her milk for her
baby, because it is the best thing she can do if she can't put her baby to
breast for ANY reason.  When a woman tells me she just can't put the baby to
breast, but is willing to pump, I tell her how proud I am of her because I
know firsthand how much work it is to do that.  I support her all the way,
and call regularly to give that extra support.  Thise women who are able to
open up and tell me the reason why they can't put baby to breast hear about
my situation, and then they know that they are not alone, and that someone
truly understands.  It means a lot to them, and it means a lot to me to be
able to be there for them.
So folks, if you come across a client who tells you that she just can't can't
BF because of abuse, believe her, support her and help her all you can.  Even
if she chooses to feed ABM because the pump is too traumatic, try to
understand though it may be hard.  Try to think of something you would never
do because it scares you too badly and you will have an idea of what these
poor women are going through.

Jay
understanding more than she wants...