Michelle writes:

"Once a  mother stops breastfeeding, support like LLL and her lactation 
consultant are  usually also abandoned (and fair enough), so I can see how that 
pain and  sadness sits and grows without a place to process it.  

Any  thoughts? Great resources?"
Hello all,
 
I came to the conclusion a while back: part of my role as an IBCLC is as  
what I call "Hospice LC" - I am there to be present and assist in whatever 
way I  can to help a woman journey through or make peace with the death of her 
 breastfeeding (and/or childbirth) dream. For another area of my life, I 
needed  to take a course to recertify, and the only one available that I 
hadn't taken  before was Bereavement Ministry. It was quite eye-opening to see 
realize how  much, as a person, and an IBCLC where I am ( where I am often the 
last IBCLC a  mom sees before she "quits" whatever she has been doing that 
has not worked into  the happy, easy breastfeeding relationship she 
envisioned), the lives of  these women, and therefore my life, is saturated in 
mourning and grieving. Women  we meet are often still in the heat of trying to 
process events that went  quickly and still are, out of their control. As 
someone noted, this  process can take years and these things pop up long after 
when we  tell someone the work we do. This is probably related to not being  
able to process them at the time they occur.   There are the "big"  losses, 
death of a beloved, loss of a job, etc, but the "smaller" losses also  take 
their toll. The areas of understanding loss and change, and the grief  
process that follows and accompanies these changes, are an important part of my  
understanding of why I am there for this family. I can understand why a 
woman  would stop going to LLL meetings or stop calling their IBCLC, but I do 
not  encourage it. I tell moms  I am there to support them through "this" 
phase  too, if they would like. I think there are so many of today's mom and 
babies  traumatized by the events and expectations of even "normal" labor,  
delivery and post-partum experiences in and out of the hospital, let alone the  
emergent and iatrogenic issues that come up. This counseling aspect has 
always  been important, and probably for many reasons of my own ( mom was an RN 
who  taught me about being present for people in need, my own PT background 
and LLL  work,  being present for the dying of friends and  family, the LC 
work), but now it seems even more so. I've thought of  putting together a 
ContEd thing on Compassion Fatigue and Loss and Change issues  ( but, uh, 
admittedly, have not....).
 
Peace, Michelle and all of us who deal with so much pain on a daily  basis,
Judy

Judy LeVan  Fram, PT, IBCLC, LLLL
Brooklyn, NY,  USA
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