Donna,   What a sad situation.  No wonder you feel compelled to help this 
mother.  I can only imagine her desperation and pain at the thought of 
having to be separated from her baby, particularly as she contemplates her 
baby's absolute need for her.  It must be heart-breaking.  But beyond this, 
it is the effect it will have on *the baby* -  the most vulnerable member 
of this triangle - that disturbs me most.  I declare my "interest" - I am 
blatantly in favour of  unqualified acknowledgement of the baby's right to 
be breastfed.   And this sad situation is a heart-breaking example of what 
can happen when society fails to accord breastfeeding as a right of the 
baby, ahead of what parents would like to do, or choose to do.  It seems 
such a wilful neglect of the *baby's* best interests that he will be 
separated from the only person who can practically fulfil that right.  It 
is astonishing that in an instance such as this, the father's apparent 
"right" to enjoy his baby's company overnight is permitted to sabotage the 
baby's need for his mother's milk, *and* (equally as important for a small 
baby) his right to have uninterrupted contact with the person to whom he is 
most attached while he is still so small and needy - his mother.  Do the 
courts accord absolutely NO acknowledgement of what would be best for the 
child??  Has this ever been tested before a judge?  Has a mother ever gone 
to the expense and rigmarole of making an urgent application on behalf of 
her baby??

In the meantime, mother could start pumping and/or hand-expressing 
frequently to harvest small Qx of breastmilk which she could save (it keeps 
for 8 days in the fridge) to leave for Dad to feed.  If this was my baby 
I'd leave 150 ml/kg divided by 8 for each missed breastfeed, stack the 
bottles in a cooler to be placed in Dad's fridge, and then just sit by the 
phone praying .....  But this still doesn't fix the fact that a 7 month old 
baby really needs his mother!

May I cc your post on to colleagues with whom I continue to debate the 
question of the baby's right to be breastfed??  No-one could fail to be 
touched by this scenario, it's such a perfectly horrible example of how 
babies' needs are marginalized to suit adults' convenience, and of how - by 
extension - mothers, and their milk, are seen to be so expendable.

Pamela Morrison IBCLC
Rustington, England
[log in to unmask]


At 21:41 05/10/2005, you wrote:
>Date:    Wed, 5 Oct 2005 16:40:41 EDT
>From:    Donna Kimick <[log in to unmask]>
>Subject: Breastfeeding mom - fighting for custody ...
>
>Hi all, I have an interesting situation (mom gave permission to  post).
>Seven month old exclusive breast fed baby (some solids since 5 mths),  father
>given rights for overnights starting end of month - 9am sat til 12pm  sunday.
>Mother has not been away from baby for more then 6 hours at a time.  She is
>not a great pumper - actually that is how I met her, she has a pump n  style
>advanced, I will be giving her a classic medela today.
>
>We live in NY state - I guess what I am looking for is if anyone has dealt
>with this in their state - or in ours - maybe there is a loophole either 
>in our
>  state or on the federal level.  Mom is devasted - and the courts do not
>seem to be doing what she wants.  I believe that this poor child is 
>having  a bad
>start - that breastfeeding could make the difference in having stability  in
>his life.  I do not know this mother or her ex-husband. I do not know  how 
>far
>I should go with her, but I feel compelled to help her.  I
>  also feel that the  Hospital LC that referred her to me knew  that I would
>try to help her on all levels. I have contacted a few local  officals and
>waiting for any info from them.
>
>Obviously, timing is imperative, so any help would be greatly  appreciated.
>I am starting to contact my local representatives here.
>
>Thanks in advance for all of you great advice, which I love to read and
>learn from.
>
>Donna B. Kimick, IBCLC, RLC
>

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