Hi All,

 

Janice asked a very difficult question to ask and I'd like to thank her for
asking it. 

 

""My question is, why are they emotionally or psychologically able to "have
sex" (and thus get pregnant), but then not able to breastfeed?  I would
think that the act of "having sex" would be much more reminiscent of the
sexual abuse, (and thus more traumatic and emotional charged) than the act
of nursing a baby.  I am not wanting to sound disrespectful or
uncompassionate.  This is an honest question that I have been too afraid to
ask.""

 

Jaye again -

 

Control.  Rape and sexual abuse is usually less about the sex and more about
the control.  The control another human has over your body - forcing you to
do something you do not want to do.  For my part - when I could control what
was happening I could tolerate the sex - because, for the most part it was
my choice.  (I was raised to do what was 'expected' even when you didn't
want to - like sex after a nice dinner out.)  When I was pressured I shut
down - sex was allowed ONLY when I wanted it and at no other time was it
even an option.

 

A woman can control whether or not that baby is on that breast sucking away.
We must have some control in our lives as humans and we will take it
(sometimes) whenever and wherever we can.  If we are scared and feel out of
control we will do what we can to get control so that we can feel safe.  So
- if the thought of putting a baby on the breast to suckle is scary to us -
we will use our own control to eliminate that action and control it
ourselves by choosing to pump.  WE MADE that CHOICE on how to provide
breastmilk to that baby.

 

From where I sit in my life, it is largely about being able to be in control
of what is happening to us and when and how.  When we are victims of sexual
abuse, rape, assault - that control is taken away from us completely.

 

I was lucky in many ways - I was dirt poor - had no other options but to
breastfeed that baby.  It was very odd - I had many, many weird feelings and
reactions from it (including orgasm the first time he nursed - I thought
then that I was totally perverted and felt that way until I learned that it
is a normal thing that sometimes happens 10 yrs later).  But, I grew to love
it and love what it brought my son and me.  I grew to understand it was not
about sex but about love, nurture, nourishment.  I fought my boyfriend about
BF, I fought my family about BF - all though it was gross and I should stop
- but something inside me said to keep going.couldn't tell you what it was,
but I can guess it was my own set of instincts coming through to show me I
was more than a survivor.to show me what a woman is truly capable of.  It
gave me a strength I didn't know I had.

 

Janice, and others, I hope this helps to some degree.  If you have other
questions please feel free to e-mail me privately.  I am very open about
that part of my life as I feel it is important to be able to speak about it
- it may help someone else.I am not ashamed of it - I did nothing wrong.  If
I can use my experiences to help someone else then I am happy to do so. 

 

Warmly,

 

Jaye

 

 

 

 

 

 


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