Pamela writes about her counsellee

>  The mother is an immigrant
>from Asia, and we have a bit of trouble communicating in English, but
>mainly I think the gap between us is related to cultural differences.  As
>discussed in archives, this woman is one of many Asian women in the USA
>who believe that the baby should not be breastfed until the milk supply
>matures.
<snip>

I found this an extremely interesting situation, resting
uncomfortably in a grey area, where a volunteer (like Pamela) may
find herself 'seeing' a scenario which could be resolved more
directively...in the sense that the mother could probably bf
successfully *if* she wanted to follow/felt able to follow/believed
in the very sensible and evidence-based suggestions and explanations
Pamela has offered.

But volunteers can't usually work in this way. We are only there on
the mother's own terms. Our input is limited to the extent that the
mother allows us...at least that is the way NCT works, and LLL in the
UK work this way too.

We (here) are fortunate in one way, as no mother goes unmissed by the
statutory services unless she is determined to 'dodge' them - this
happens only very rarely. All mothers regularly see a community
midwife and then a health visitor, who have a clinical remit, and in
extremis, can get a baby into hospital or get social services
involved - it's like a safety net.

Even so, we volunteers are contacted by many women who do not (for
whatever reason) implement sensible strategies to ensure happy
breastfeeding.  I have to let those mothers go after ensuring myself
they have the information, and thereafter it is their choice. We hear
from mothers who say they want to bf successfully, but who aren't
prepared to feed more often, or at night, or to work on reducing
formula.....we explain, carefully and sometimes repeatedly,  how they
can maximise their chances of happy bf, and use counselling
techniques to listen to them, and help them decide what they want to
do. They may come up with  many reasons for *not* bf more often, for
*not* bf at night, for *not* reducing the formula. I try not to get
into a protracted discussion with them, but I do explain why their
reasons are not compatible with maximising bf...and I try to help
them decide what it is they're wanting to do.

We might follow up with a further call or calls, with the mother's
permission...but there comes a point where I decide 'I'm letting you
go'....and I do so, gently, explaining to the mother the door is
always open, and she can contact me again, whenever, to talk things
through again.

But then again, I know this baby won't starve, and that the mother
has other sources of help, easily available (and free) to her, and
they will visit her at home.

Heather Welford Nei;
NCT bfc Newcastle upon Tyne UK

             ***********************************************
The LACTNET mailing list is powered by L-Soft's renowned
LISTSERV(R) list management software together with L-Soft's LSMTP(TM)
mailer for lightning fast mail delivery. For more information, go to:
http://www.lsoft.com/LISTSERV-powered.html