harvested breastmilk-feeding brings up 2 points for me. On the one hand I
should be "glad" at least this baby is geting breastmilk vs. the
alternative. It is sort of like those "breastfeeding privacy drapes" - I
think those should be banned! yet, if having a cover-up gets a woman to
breastfeed who otherwise wouldn't have, then how can I complain? The problem
lies in the many concessions we have to make.

American parenting has become so "hobby-fied" (Bill Maher on his late night
show once asked in all seriousness "if people get to take time off work to
care for kids, why can't I take time off for a pottery class?"). When we are
training folks for jobs, we don't let them pick and choose what parts of the
career they want to do - imagine a pre-vet student saying "I love the idea
of being a veterinarian, but I can't tolerate sick animals, or blood. So
I'll arrange MY vet practice to not have to deal with those things." no. His
advisor would say, "Honey this career ain't for you". Only with parenting do
people feel they can pick and choose what parts fit well to them and abandon
the rest. I've seen some really intelligent people have a baby and become so
methodological about parenting - as if it were a science to be learned from
books and pediatricians. They time the feedings carefully, special pillow
strapped around back, stool for feet at the exact height, "Oh no he fell
asleep at the breast! that's a bad habit!"  I wonder if they enjoy their
babies at all.

The concept of parenting, or mothering as a WHOLE process (and for most
women a complete lifestyle shift) is just lost. Children are  a hobby to add
to an already fulfilling life; a hobby that can, with tolerance of crying
and protest, be molded to fit the parents established pre-child life. All
one must do is scan the list of "ideals" and pick the ones that sound good
and that seem "do-able" - "Breastmilk is best for babies, so I'll give
breastmilk. Don't want to sacrifice IQ points." the concept of the
breastfeeding relationship is either too foreign or just "not for me/us" or
my personal favorite, "it's not in the cards". I realise that some of it can
be blamed on the fact that American women are raised separate from babies
and many have never even held a baby until they hold their own. The "age
segregation" that goes on here is extremely effective.

I also agree wholeheartedly with Teresa:

"We take it very lightly if a woman says she feels too uncomfortable to
breastfeed her baby, but I think this is a pretty major thing. Given that
breastfeeding is what our bodies are designed to do, and that it is the way
nature intended mothers and babies to be together, how does this feeling
affect her relationship with her baby? And her feelings about other aspects
of her body?"

I would add that someone who felt uncomfortable cuddling and kissing a baby
(and some do!) might be called into question as a mother/parent. Am I
stepping in it when I say that those who truly refuse to give the normal
feeding process a go (or hope to have the baby on a weekend so they can go
back to work Monday...) may just not be cut out to be mothers? And if so,
then what?

Michelle DePesa

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