>I think it's probably better if the person has not had a child, than if they
>have had a child and bottle fed, in many cases.

While I can understand where this comes from, I have to present another
argument.

I decided I would become an LC on February 19th 1997.  My son was 14 days
old and I had (emotionally) given up on ever nursing him.  I had decided to
pump and bottlefeed instead.  I sobbed my eyes out for hours, furious at
the circumstances I was in.  No one I called could tell me anything other
than the assinine "just keep trying to get him latched on".  Ugh.  What the
bloody &*^&*%^ did they think I was doing?  trying to nurse his toe?  (I
swear I will never ever utter that phrase to a mom who calls me).  If I
knew then what I know now I would have thrown him in the car on day 3 and
gone to see Kathleen in Vermont or Dr. Jack in Toronto.  But I didn't know.
 I decided then and there if I could help it no woman who WANTED to
breastfeed was ever going to end up like I was at that moment unless she'd
had a radical mastectomy and they'd forgotten to reconstruct some nipples
for SNS use.  I never ever wanted anyone else to feel like that, desperate
for help and no idea where to get it, if I could help it.

When a mom calls me, I understand how it can seem perfectly reasonable on
day 3 to think this will never work and to want to give up then and there.
I understand that pain.  (Many of my cohorts who have never had a
breastfeeding problem think she's just a whining wimp)  However, I also
understand no matter how sore she is, how 'gross feeling' she is, how shy
she is about BFIP or whatever, there is *nothing* that can't be fixed in a
short enough amount of time to merit going to bottlefeeding.  Bottlefeeding
is a 1-3 yr solution for a problem that can resolve in a fraction of that
time.  But often women don't think about that long term when they want to
throw in the towel.  I certainly never thought *I* would have a baby who
did not wean at one year from his bottle (he outright refuses to use a cup.
 Luckily he uses the bottle much as a sports bottle and does not walk
around with it hanging out).

I know that if she quits now, she will have for at least a year a constant
reminder of her failure and I *know* how much that can hurt!  IMHO, it
makes me a little more dilligent in my support or desire to find a person
who can help her with medical issues.  Because I *know* the depth of the
potential depression she may go into if she does choose to bottlefeed at
this point.  Behind many a lactivist you will find a one time bottlefeeder.

and *gulp* I'm also a lot less likely to accuse a mother of 'not wanting to
breastfeed' than many I've known who've not had serious breastfeeding
problems.  It seems many cannot comprehend the awful toll it can take to
hear your baby scream and scream and scream and scream while you're getting
breastfeeding going.  It's always "gosh she quit after just a few days she
must not have wanted to".  Ooooooh.  Burn.  She may very well not have
wanted to.  She may also have wanted to very badly and felt like she was a
bad mother for not giving her baby a bottle when he was screaming like a
banshee!  I actually felt I was breastfeeding for *me* and not him at one
point and that I was putting myself above *him* and was selfish for *not*
bottlefeeding! WOW!  Then to get accused I "didn't really want to"... ooooh...

That said, having a dream of a nurser for a second baby has also been
helpful because I can speak from experience that every baby is different
and hey here's someone right here who had a nightmare breastfeeding
experience and then a dream one.  For some reason, when women hear I had a
horrible nurser and a great one they tend to believe me more when I tell
them it's so worth it to nurse and that bottlefeeding is no fun either.  It
was also very healing for me to realize I was not just a wuss, my son
really was a horrific nurser.

-Wendey (studying LC in Montreal, bfeeding peer support counselor)

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