Dear Cree,
What you describe sounds a lot like a velopharyngeal insufficiency, or soft palate dysfunction.  Losing milk out the nose and that wet "snorkely" breathing are both markers for this condition.  It can make for an unhappy baby during feeds as milk backing up into the nose is uncomfortable.  These babies often need short and frequent feeds because the muscles of the soft palate may tire before the baby has gotten a full feed.  If she can lean back into some pillows, she may be able to lay the baby on her and nurse prone.  This will help the  baby to manage some flow and mom to get some rest.  If baby is not unhappy side lying, it may be possible to continue nursing in this position.  When dad is giving the bottle it should definitely be "paced" with close attention to babies cues.  Watch for hand splaying and other signs of stress when bottle feeding as these babies often have difficulty coping with normal flow.  Good luck to your friend.
Sincerely, 
Liz Howell, LLLL Queens, NY USA

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