Rachel writes:
>That said, the 6 week 'quarantine rule' is indeed a ritualistic remnant
>without scientific basis. My personal very strong bias is that both
> >parties should be interested, and that the woman should have veto
> >rights, but there is nothing magic about 42 days
There is a lot "magic" about 40 days though. "40 days" has a lot of
ritual/symbolic significance in Judeo-Christian religions and those based on
this tradition (Islam, Ba'hai, Mormonism, etc.). Remember that it rained
for 40 days and 40 nights causing the Great Flood (Noah and the Ark, etc.),
Jesus wandered for 40 days in the wildnerness, etc. I'm sure there are
other "40 days" that I'm not remembering this early in the morning, before
coffee.
Having said that, in many cultures, there are significant post-partum sex
taboos, ranging from the 40 days of Islam and the "six weeks" of US medical
advice, to "until the baby can walk and talk well," which might mean 2 years
of age in traditional Mali, to "5 years after the previous birth" among the
Dani of Highland New Guinea even though they only breastfeed for 2 years, to
"until weaning" in many cultures, even if weaning isn't until 2-3-4-5-6
years post-partum (such as the traditional Gikuyu of Kenya, who breastfed
for 5-6 years and the mother didn't have sex until the child was weaned and
moved out of her bed in a big ceremony, whereupon the husband/father moved
back in).
For most women, the hormone levels during breastfeeding suppress sexual
appetite, as well as suppressing ovulation, and this is an adaptive system
to prevent the woman from becoming pregnant again while she has a young
infant to nurse and care for. Many women are not physically ready for
penile penetration of the vagina for many months after even the physically
calmest/least damaging of births. Add to that the hormonal changes, the
stress and fatigue of caring for a young child, and all the other work she
has to do, and many women could care less about sex for a loooooooonnnnngggg
time after the birth of a child. This is what the expected norm should be.
Yes, there are women who are interested in sex soon, and are ready to start
again even before the six week mark. But these women will be rare, and
should be considered the exception, not the norm. I suspect that the vast
majority of women would rather wait, and that in that 'certain segment of
the population' where sex resumes before the six weeks' post-partum mark, it
is NOT the woman who is the one interested in resuming sex, it is the MAN.
In other words, I would bet that the woman does not have an equal voice, and
in some cases she may not have ANY voice in the decision -- rather this is
forced upon her by her husband/boyfriend. It can be rape using physical
force, the threat of physical force, or emotional coercion, such as "If you
don't give me sex, I'll be justified in getting it somewhere else." or the
old "You owe me sex, because you are my wife." In some states in the US, it
is still consider impossible for a husband to 'rape' his wife, because the
assumption is that the wedding vows entitle him to sex any time HE wants,
whether she wants it or not, thus 'rape' isn't technically possible. I
think this happens much more frequently than people want to admit. And it
happens to women of all ethnicities, all educational levels, all
socio-economic statuses.
We need to support women in the post-partum period, and educate their
spouses -- *at least* give her six weeks to recover physically, and if she
still doesn't feel like it, the man should not insist. When we write/talk
as though all women should be back to their pre-pregnancy levels of sexual
interest at six weeks post-partum, we do women a disservice. This is
analogous to writing/talking about most babies being happy/healthy on a 4
hour schedule. You then have so many women who think "There's something
wrong with me or my baby, because my baby wants to nurse every hour." Just
as you have many women who think "There's something wrong with me because I
am just NOT interested in sex any more." They need to understand that the
low levels of estrogen during lactation are normal, and result in a
diminution of libido, and are there to protect her from getting pregnant
again too soon.
Kathy Dettwyler
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