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Subject:
From:
Kirsten Berggren <[log in to unmask]>
Reply To:
Lactation Information and Discussion <[log in to unmask]>
Date:
Tue, 31 Mar 2009 22:49:19 -0400
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I was disappointed to see the tone of "blame the mother" in this 
discussion of mothers "abandoning" their babies to go to work. I 
absolutely agree that the best place for a baby to be is with its 
mother, and that the nurturing provided by a mother provides the 
template for natural emotional growth in children - and contributes to a 
non-violent, cooperative society.
However, I do not think mothers are making a callous choice to leave 
their babies. I think they are responding to external factors. I think 
they are responding to being raised themselves in a culture that does 
not honor parenting as a valuable contribution to society (if we did, 
we'd have paid maternity leave, like the rest of the industrialized 
world). I think women are under tremendous pressure to "do it all" - to 
have a family, be a mother, and yet also be a "productive" (i.e. 
wage-earning) member of our financial society. For many, there is not 
access to health care without a job, there is not adequate housing, 
there is not a social support network. They see all the women around 
them doing this, and so it must be normal. There is not modeling in our 
society of optimal parenting - and women just try to do what they 
perceive as "normal".
I hope that we will all turn our energies towards changing policy and 
changing society to allow women to be recognized for the valuable 
contributions of mothering. If you are worried about women abandoning 
their babies to go to work, write to your congressperson demanding a 
reasonable paid parental leave. If you are worried about women going 
back to work so they can have health insurance, stage protests demanding 
universal health care. If you think a woman should save up enough to 
support a family before having one, fight for livable wages for the 
people who teach our children, serve our food, and keep our cities 
clean. It's all connected, but the last person who should shoulder the 
blame is the mother, who is put into a terrible bind by all of these 
forces that she's not even aware of until she holds that precious baby 
in her arms and has to leave the child to go to work.

Kirsten Berggren, PhD, RN, IBCLC

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