In a message dated 4/20/1999 6:23:43 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
[log in to unmask] writes:

<< My dh tried to wake me, to no avail.  Being a
 resourceful fellow he solved the problem.  Brought her into bed, opened up
 my nightie, latched her on, and fed the baby (rule #1!), all without me
 waking.  Imagine my surprise when I woke the next morning with no
 engorgement, but not remembering having fed the baby..... >>


Kathleen,
I love it!!  Reminds me of a situation I was involved in.  A mom in our
hospital had surgery.  I can't remember what she had done anymore, maybe gall
bladder.  Anyway I went up to the surgical unit as I knew she was back in her
room from recovery.  Dad was sitting there with baby, as we had made all the
arrangements that baby could room in as long as Dad was there.
Dad says to me;  "Well I fed the baby about 45 minutes ago."
At first I was confused and a little worried because I knew mom was committed
to total breastfeeding.  I didn't see any bottles in a quick glance around
the room.  Then he proceeded to tell me how he did it.
Mom was sleeping like a log, so her rolled her over on her left side, opened
her nightie, got the baby, latched him on, sat beside them holding baby as
the hospital bed was not very wide.  When baby was finished, he burped, put
baby in bassinet as he rolled his wife to the other side and repeated the
procedure.
I was so impressed.   He DID feed the baby.  Mom was just the passive source
of the milk.  I praised that man up one side and down the other and
everything went well with her recovery and breastfeeding.

I think many men worry that the baby will not love them if they cannot get in
there and feed. Many have come from small families, have never taken care of
a baby before, and doubt their abilities.  They KNOW baby is bonding with
mom.  They SEE the strong bonding occur.   I help many women pump so Dad can
feed the baby after they are 4 weeks old, but also encourage, preach,
suggest, coax, promote, urge, Mom to get Dad involved with the baby.   Tell
dads they can do EVERYTHING for this baby, except actually breastfeeding.
Also get dad to come and sit with mom while she breastfeeds. That is
excellent cuddle time for the new family.  Nothing is sweeter than mom
nursing with dad's arms around his beautiful little family.  I see some
really involved dads doing this kissing first baby's head then mom, stroking
baby and his lovely wife's shoulders, arms and helping massage her breasts.
If dad is feeling left out, it is helpful to urge mom to make more of an
effort to get baby into dad's arms.  Don't monopolize the baby, as many moms
do.  It takes an effort to bond with a baby.  Mom is forced to do it because
of the physical needs of the baby, but dad doesn't have the hormones and the
milk so he has to make an effort.  So do the grandparents.
Enough for now.
Jane Bradshaw RN, BSN, IBCLC
Lynchburg, Va

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