> One of the reasons this is a good response is that disclosing personal
> information can have disadvantages. I'm not thinking about turning women
> off as much as about the possibility that the mother can feel there is a
> "right" amount of time to nurse. A person who leads a meeting, is an
> invited guest, or is called to talk about a topic can easily be
> perceived to be an expert or a role model. If a mother doesn't nurse as
> long as the expert, she has failed to reach an ideal. Or what should she
> do with those uncomfortable desires to wean, or the fear that she might
> not have enough milk when she has to be separated from her baby to go
> back to work? In other situations, nursing longer than someone you
> thought was strange can make some women feel proud and empowered, but
> can make others feel lonely, without the point of reference that many
> women lack and crave. Personal information should be used judiciously,
> in order to keep the mother focussed on the value of her own experience.
> A mother should be encouraged to breastfeed as long as *she* wants.
>

I struggle a lot with this. Many of these answers, to me, feel as though we
are being evasive, as though we are slightly uncomfortable with the whole
idea and so don't want to talk about it. I often hear people talk about how
long they have been married, for example, with lots of pride and comfort. Do
they worry that, since I was not married that long but ended up divorced, I
will feel that I have failed to reach the ideal or be unhappy about my
situation? I don't think they do.

For many years I led meetings with a nursing three or four-year-old present
(and often nursing) during the meeting. Any mother who was at that meeting
could obviously see how long I nursed! So if a few months later I am at a
meeting, now without my recently weaned child, and someone asks how long I
nursed - is it much different if I simply say "nearly 5 years?" If that
person had been at the meeting a couple of months earlier she wouldn't have
had to ask. And believe me, if my children are around when the question is
asked - my kids will proudly tell them how long they nursed.

I never hear anyone hesitate to say "I nursed for 3 months" or  "I nursed
for 6 months" or even "I nursed for almost a year." If I'm a new mother and
I hear lots of people telling me they nursed for these shorter periods of
time, and then a few other people sort of evasively saying "longer than
culturally acceptable" I think I am likely to feel that weaning at 3 or 6
months is the normal thing to do because the people who nurse longer feel
embarrassed and don't want to talk about it. If we are going to get to a
place where nursing 3 and 4 year olds is seen as the normal thing it is,
maybe we need to be open about it.

But I am not sure what the best approach is. I see Jo-Anne's point. I just
have these questions...

Teresa

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