I think I'm missing something in a consult and welcome the wisdom of this
great group. I don't need technical support, but some advice for a dad who
convinced a mom to use a bottle and formula during the first week when
hormones were raging in the middle of the night. Mom was exhausted and the
baby had been (unnecessarily, IMHO) sent home with a bili blanket. Home
health nurses had been sticking the little guy at least once daily and the
couple's stress level was high. I saw Mom on Day 4 with cracked, bleeding
nipples due to difficulty positioning with blanket in place (Dad refused to
ditch the blanket during feedings) and an arching tongue. We managed to get
Baby latching (with a plan for healing nipples), but somehow the bottle
entered the picture on Days 6, 7 and 8. Mom called Day 9 and wanted Baby to
be at breast exclusively since she's returning to work in less than 6 weeks
and she wants this bonding time. We discussed why that would be best,
especially anticipating that "usual" growth spurt around the corner and my
perception of Baby's latch difficulties. I sent her the link to Dee
Kassing's article (thanks, Dee!) about using bottle feeding to support
breastfeeding since they're an information-wanted kind of couple. Mom
thought the info contained therein would be helpful as I talked through it
with her by phone. She sensed Baby's suck confusion, but knew Dad was
enjoying feeding Baby.
Cutting to the chase...This is the response Dad sent me that night; these
are his words, not mine: "I got spoiled very quickly by my times with him
feeding him from the bottle. Referring to the article (which is positioned
as a workaround if you *must* supplement with bottle feeding), then I guess
I'm going to have to be patient. That's not how I want to spend time with
him feeding him --setting him upright, etc. It's not the hassle that
bothers me, it's the idea that you do it only if you must. Kinda sucks.
It's like the understudy being told to take a few of the primetime
performances and then being told just as quickly to get off the stage."
We've talked about the usual "teaching Baby that love is learned in other
ways" and Dad knows that he can find other special times with his newborn.
He knows he can feed him solids down the road and will probably be
responsible for an occasional bottle when Mom returns to work. However,
I've never encountered a Dad who sounds this bitter about not bottle feeding
*even though he would spend a million dollars if it's the best thing for his
baby*...he wrote that, too. I realize that some of it is the couple's issue
as they communicate their wants to each other, but I welcome any suggestions
for him (or them) that are *beyond the usual*. Sadly, I think that some of
his comments are just what the expert marketers of abm are trying to elicit.
Thanks...I'm feeling a bit down in the dumps about this with my own
postpartum hormones in full force,
Rebecca DeYoung Daniels, MBA, RD, LD, IBCLC and MOM to 5 (with a
super-great, supportive dad in the picture!)
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