Whenever I hear people talk about kids like this -- as though children
should never intrude into one's life, it just makes me so sad.  Children are
a major major committment.  If you don't want to make that committment --
including taking care of mentally or physically disabled kids or sick kids
-- then don't have kids.  Even a 'perfect' baby can become disabled at any
moment.  Same for spouses.  That's why most marriage vows include the line
about "in sickness and and in health."  If you're not ready for the
committment of a child, get a cat (not a dog -- they take too much care and
attention).  Or better yet, get a pet rock.

Having the husband-wife bond be the 'center' of the family, a la Rosemond,
is also found in Ezzo materials.  I agree that the children are not part of
the marriage.  But children ARE the center of the family.  And once you have
a child, the marriage should take second place behind the 'family' --
parents and kids together.  If we take our cue from our nonhuman primate
relatives, the basic social unit among ALL primates is the adult female and
her dependent offspring (who are dependent for many years, even long after
they wean).  To this basic unit, one or more males may be attached at
various points of time.  Adult females may be solitary (only hanging out
with their offspring) or several adult females may hang out together, along
with all the dependent young.

Kathy Dettwyler




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