>If anyone has any good way of getting the idea that food (ie dad feeding
>baby a bottle, even if it is breastmilk) doesn't have to be associated with
>love, I'd like to know!  Ditto with the idea that mom should consistently
>sleep during the night while dad gives a bottle.  Frustrated on the
>Prairie...

Maureen,
I teach both Infant Care and Breastfeeding Basics, which gives me a
wonderful advantage. In the infant care class, I talk about how much
touching babies need and point out to the parents that *touch* is a major
form of communicating love. I then encourage dads to consider taking on
the task of giving baby a bath--- not to "help mom out", but so that they
also have an opportunity for lots of skin contact.

When these parents get to my breastfeeding class, we discuss reasons to
breastfeed, and parents *always* mention bonding. I tell them that
breastfeeding is a wonderful way to enhance bonding but that this does
NOT mean that bottle-feeding moms can't bond to their babies; I just
point out how much more holding and touching go on with breastfeeding as
opposed to all those babies who learn to hold their own bottles and are
left to feed themselves. Parents nod their heads knowingly.  Towards the
end I ask the question, "so where does dad fit into this?"  I tell them
that they can do *anything* for their baby besides feeding, and that they
don't have to breastfeed to touch their baby!  The light bulb clicks on
then for most of the dads.

I also always tell dads that the reason I love them coming to class is
because my experience shows that pregnant mom's minds are really on
labor, not breastfeeding, and they tend not to remember much whereas the
dads remember a lot from the class. I mention how dads have a very
protective nature (which is good!), and how it can either help or
undermine breastfeeding--- specifically, if mom is hurting and baby is
crying, dads want to FIX THE PROBLEM right now!  If they don't understand
breastfeeding, formula is the quickest and easiest fix. If they *do*
understand breastfeeding, however, they will make suggestions or get mom
help because they know this should work. They are usually glad that they
came, though most had to be dragged there.  ;-)

-Lisa Marasco, BA, IBCLC