In a message dated 8/17/00 1:47:54 AM, [log in to unmask] writes:
<< What makes me the most angry about this situation is that breastfeeding
advocates seem to be constantly told that they must be very careful about
what they say in case they make mothers who chose formula feel bad or
guilty, and yet the mother who is breastfeeding for more than a few months
is fair game for ridicule and criticism.>>
This is exactly what came to mind for me as well, especially when the people
who are so destructive are HCP's. When I began working in a hospital my
daughter was just an infant, so of course I took her with me and she nursed
or slept or played through *many* meetings, etc. A couple of years later, a
doctor told me that the Head Nurse and several others believed that I only
brought her along and "forced" her to nurse in meetings to make a political
statement. This was very wounding to me, b/c it degraded who I was as a
mother--simply responding to the needs of my child to be kept close. And, who
could ever force a 2 or 3 year old to nurse anyway!
<<Today I had a visit from a mother I had helped almost three years ago. At
that time, she had a newborn baby and a nursing two-year-old. The older
child became very ill with pneumonia and had to be hospitalized. Of course,
she desparately wanted to nurse, so mom and her four-week-old baby moved
into the hospital room. I visited her there several times and was so
distressed by the treatment she received. Here was a very weak, ill child
whose primary comfort was breastfeeding, and everyone seemed to want to take
that away from her. The nurses told the mother that if she didn't wean, they
would call the Children's Aid Society. (This threat did not work, because I
actually was working for CAS at the time.) At times, when the older child
asked to breastfeed, a nurse would forcefully carry her out of the room and
away from her mother, saying that it was time for this child to learn to
separate. (Remember, she was still very sick!) Another nurse told her that
she must have psychological problems or be trying to avoid having sex with
her husband, and that's why she continued to breastfeed.>>
I also had a similar experience as this. When my dd was just one, my ds (who
was 5 1/2) was hospitalized in the PICU. He was *very* ill and my husband,
daughter and I moved in. My dh and I took turns sleeping on his bed while
holding him and sleeping down the hall with our dd. I was asked repeatedly by
nurses and Residents why I didn't send her to stay with her grandparents
(this was supposed to easier on me!). Finally, I said "I already have one
traumatized child; I do not need two". My dh and I were not supported in
staying with our son, in staying together as a family or in any of our
parenting choices. In fairness, my ds' primary nurse and one night nurse (who
had bf 6 children) were supportive, but the primary nurse was severely
reprimanded for doing so. In the end, we were tolerated b/c I worked in the
hospital, but it was so hard to know that the way I saw breastfeeding was so
alien to these people who are trained to care for children and their
families.
The irony was that in my own job, I was constantly taken to task for
promoting bf "too vigorously", lest some parent *or* HCP be offended!
Jennifer Tow, IBCLC, CT, USA
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