In my own experience I have noticed that kids go to the people that they
know and feel safe with.  Back before I had kids, my boss (flexible, good
family values, personally dislikes kids) hired an office manager
part-time and allowed her to bring her then 6 mos old breastfed baby with
her.  He was uncomfortable seeing her nurse, made joking uncomfortable
comments about it, but NEVER considered asking her to stop (he clearly
knew it was his problem).  He saw the child 3-5 times a week.  I on the
other had, held that baby every chance I got, I would program with her on
my lap, while her mom did work that made her lap disapear...When all of
us were out at parties etc. together, Sam wouldn't go to anyone but her
parents and ME.  She wanted nothing to do with our boss (he never held
her, at least not after the time when he was told to carry her out in the
hall, as she was crying during an important phone call, and he gave her
away to a random nice woman who worked for another company...) or even
her grandparents.  But she knew me.

My kids have an honorary uncle to whom they have always gone happily.  He
has always been acceptable to them, even when they were in
stranger-anxious modes.  He spent enough time with them every week to
earn that trust.  Their grandmothers didn't get that trust until the kids
were almost 3.  I am very willing to believe that kids living in extended
families cling less to mom, because they don't need to, they have loving,
consistant substitutes, who will be around for a long time!  I do wish
for that lifestyle myself, everyone gets more done, with less
frustration, spending fewer resources, since the childcare is more spread
out, and could actually be regarded as a break from other forms of work.
(I get a taste of this during the 18th living history events my family
attends as reenactors.  It is truly amasing how unstressed I feel after a
day of cooking over a campfire, shopping (in tents), port-a-potties, no
running water, all with 3 kids in tow (one infant), while my husband is
off with the men playing soldier.  All the women help each other out, and
there are lots of other kids,  6 women,12 kids (4 ages 9-13, the rest
under 6), and it's less work than being at home!  And that's when the
childless women don't help.  Sometimes they do, and then it's pure
heaven! We didn't get the full value of this, in that Teddy was often
"strange" at the beginning of a weekend, but by the last day, the 9-11
year old girls would take turns holding him during packing up, to their
and his delight Especially Tara, who would much rather hold and watch
Teddy than her OWN baby brother!)

So why don't the Ezzos simply recommend that people see friends and
family daily, then the kids WILL go to them happily?   **sign**

[log in to unmask] (Colleen Humphreys)

ps.   MIL means Mother-In-Law, DH means Dear Husband (both lovingly and
sarcastically, watch for the tone and smiley faces), LOL means Laughing
out Loud, and ROTFLOL means rolling on the floor laughing out loud.