A friend just returned from a trip to Los Angeles, where she stayed with
a friend whose church sponsors the Ezzo's programs. The friend shared
several observations with her that I thought perhaps Lactnet members
would be interested in hearing, especially those who are trying to grasp
the controversy. Because the observations were extensive, I asked my
friend to write it all down for me, and I am forwarding her reflections
and observations.  I am also forwarding this to Mr. Garcia so that he
can be privvy to some of our concerns and have an opportunity to respond
first person.
-Lisa

*************************************************
Lisa Marasco, BA, LLLL, IBCLC
[log in to unmask]  /  [log in to unmask]

*************************************************


---------- Forwarded message ----------
SOME OBSERVATIONS ON OBSERVING EZZO FAMILIES...

The Ezzos encourage young parents to observe parenting practices and evaluate
them.  (I think they make a statement along the lines of "every parenting
philosophy has a corresponding pathology".)  Supposedly, if you compare an
Ezzo family and an un-Ezzo family side-by-side, you will be so overwhelmed by
the wonderful results of the Ezzo program that you will sign up immediately.
 If not, at least you'll be so horrified by the results of anything else,
that you'll follow the Ezzos' program just because it's different.  Or
something like that...

I haven't been too thrilled by what I've seen personally in terms of anything
I would want to emulate in my own family.  However, I've written a lot of
that off as being the result of over-zealous parents who took the Ezzos'
program to some extreme that was never intended...or misinformed parents who
had misunderstood "Prep" and/or GKGW...or just a bunch of isolated instances
where, for whatever reason, the program didn't work as well as it's supposed
to work.  Perhaps, I told myself, I simply hadn't met any of the success
stories.

Frankly, I've become a bit jaded about the failure-to-thrive cases.  I know
that sounds awful.  But part of me had to admit that many babies who aren't
Prep babies fail to thrive.  Could it be that I'm hearing mostly about the
Prep horror stories?  Then someone will tell me something like, "All the Ezzo
families in our church wean their babies at about four or five months of age
and lots of them do it because they lose their milk supply."  That concerns
me.  It also concerns me that the two outspoken Ezzo mothers I've "met"
online (one of them a "Contact Mom") have admitted to experiencing
breastfeeding failure while implementing Prep. Both said they were under so
much stress that they lost their milk.  (One said this was her stress at
being a young, inexperienced mother.  I thought that Prep was supposed to
build confidence in mothers, not stress them out so much that they lost their
milk.  I've known mothers who have experienced tragedy and stress such as
losing a husband within two months of giving birth, but--with the exception
of these two Ezzo mothers and a few others who also followed Prep--I've never
met anyone who claimed to have experienced breastfeeding failure due to
stress.)

I've also spoken with families who admit that the breastfeeding information
offered by the Ezzos is bunk, but that the rest of their program is
wonderful.  What if that's true?  Could it even be possible that (and this
will sound like heresy to those of us who have placed a priority on following
God's design by breastfeeding our children) that--theoretically--the benefits
of the Ezzos' program might outweigh the risks of early weaning and/or
breastfeeding failure?

No, I haven't bought into that argument...but I have wondered...

These past two days were a wake-up call.  I was visiting friends who have
delightful children.  This couple does not do the Ezzos' program; they are
not "program" people when it comes to parenting [they also are not
involved with LLL], but have found their parenting, at some points, to be
at odds with every program/philosophy with which they are familiar.
Interestingly enough, a number of the Ezzo parents they know have
complimented the good behavior of their children and expressed the hope
that their own children would grow to be like this family.

My friends are involved in a church with about 70 families.  A significant
number of these families are implementing "Prep" and "Growing Kids" and are
quite outspoken advocates of these programs.  My friends have visited in
their homes, had them in their home, taught the young children in Sunday
School, cared for their babies in the church nursery, etc.  Their knowledge
of these families goes far beyond casual observation.  Here are some of their
observations of the Ezzo families in their church:

1.  They have observed two cases, in two different families, of babies who
were extremely slow in their weight gain, if not failure to thrive.  Both
families opted to wean to formula rather than adapting or abandoning the Prep
schedule.  My friend thought that, in a church this size, one should not
expect to have, in the space of about a year, two such cases.  I'm sure that
most lactation consultants would agree.

2.  They have observed that weaning at about five months of age is
common-place among Ezzo families.

3.  One young infant did poorly on formula, experiencing painful
constipation.  My friend advised the mother that she could relactate.  Her
only question was, "Would I have to nurse more often?"  When my friend
informed her that, yes, she would have to nurse frequently in order to build
up her milk supply, the mother expressed no desire to do so.  The baby
remained on formula, despite its health problems and discomfort.

4.  One Ezzo mother brought her two-year-old (who, due to a birth defect, is
not yet walking) into the church nursery, placing him firmly in a playpen.
 Her tone with him was rather harsh and cold, as if she was punishing him.
 She ordered the nursery staff to leave him in the playpen the entire time
(which would be at least an hour and a half.)  After she left, the child wept
so inconsolably that the husband of the couple in charge that day decided the
only proper response was to ignore the mother's wishes and pick up the child
to comfort him.

5.  One Ezzo mother, by refusing to pick up and comfort her young infant in
the church service, had allowed the infant to disrupt things to such an
extent that the pastor finally interrupted his sermon to ask her to attend to
her baby.  "It sounds like he needs help," the pastor tried to point out to
her in as gentle a manner as possible.

6.  Nursery attendants describe one of the Ezzo toddlers as "clingy" and
"starved for affection".

7.  When visiting Ezzo families, my friend found it not unusual for the young
children to be locked in their rooms with a baby gate.  (Those of us familiar
with the Ezzo program will recognize this as "room time".)

8.  My friends wanted to open their home to be used for a church function.
 An Ezzo family would be involved in planning the function.  The mother was
mostly concerned about whether our friend's baby gate (sometimes used to
block access to the kitchen) could be stretched across the dining room in
such a way as to prevent the children from entering the same room as the
adults.  When she was told that it couldn't, she asked if the children could
be locked in a back bedroom.  My friend seemed bewildered at this, as she was
under the impression that they were planning a family function, not an
adults-only function.  Apparently the Ezzo mother interpreted this as being
one in which the children were permitted to be in the same house, but were
still to be kept separate.

9.  Most distressing to me is my friend's description of the "Prep babies"
who are now three and four years old.  My friend asked her twelve-year-old
daughter, "Who are the three and four year olds at church who never smile and
always seem sort of sad?"  The very question unnerved me; I don't know any
children who fit that description.  Her daughter easily and quickly named
about six or seven children (from the same number of families).  "Out of the
mouths of babes," my friend murmured sadly.  She then told me that these
children--who are characterized by their unsmiling and sad demeanor--are all
from committed Ezzo parents who have been implementing this program since the
children's births.

Frankly, I found this last observation--one so obvious even to a
twelve-year-old--very chilling.  I tried to quip, "Well, maybe the children
are just being sober-minded.  That's very important to the Ezzos, you know."
 However, it didn't seem funny.

Yes, holiness is much more important than happiness.  However, as the Bible
makes clear in its frequent references to joy, the two are not mutually
exclusive.  Sober-mindedness does not mean a lack of joy and a sad
countenance; in fact, joy can be said to be one of the evidences and results
of true faith, obedience, and a relationship with Jesus Christ.  If parents
are deliberately robbing their children of joy in some misguided attempt to
implement holiness, they are in grave error and are certainly not following
Scripture.

If this is the fruit...I want no part of it.  Are the Ezzos right in saying
that every parenting philosophy has a corresponding pathology?  Decide for
yourself what the disease is here...

One last note:  lest someone say that these parents maybe didn't take the
class...or possibly all took the same class that wasn't taught properly, I
need to point out that these parents were "graduates" of various "Preparation
for Parenting" (and, in the case of those out of infancy, GKGW) classes
taught in various settings by different facilitators.  So, this isn't a case
of misinformed parents who were misled by one rogue facilitator.