Hi All,
Personally, I feel that starting the woman with Plan A, (Husband touching
getting up to oral stim) is moving too fast for someone in this situation.
I think a better course of action, and one a bit more comfy for the woman,
would be for HER to start getting comfortable touching her own breasts
first.  I believe it was said that she herself had a hard time touching her
own breasts.  So, I would suggest first that the woman get to where she can
touch herself, then work on hubby being able to touch with the emphasis that
it NOT be sexual touching.  (I know that would be a bit more difficult with
the hubby, but he would have to really co-operate here to keep breast
touching a non-sexual issue or it can become a threat to the woman even if
it is not meant as one).
There is obviously something going on in the woman's psyche to have her be
this aversive, and it important to take care not to aggrivate an already
sensitive issue.

As far as pumping being equally uncomfortable as the baby on the breast,
this is not always the case.  I have worked with several women who, because
of sexual abuse, could not tolerate having the baby at the breast, but who
were very able and comfortably able to pump plenty of milk for their little
ones.  If this woman (the one discussed above) cannot get to a point where
she is comfortable with herself or her husband touching her breasts then I
would suggest that she give direct BF a try and see what happens.  Sometimes
it works and sometimes it doesn't.  She needs lots of info and support that
BF is not a sexual thing, that it is the natural thing. But sometimes even
that info cannot make it through the traumatied psyche...touching is still
touching, no matter who does it or for what reason, and is intolerable.  In
this case the woman will need lots of support to know that her choice to
pump and bottlefeed is a good one for her and her baby.  Pumping is not a
physical/emotional threat of harm.  It is an inanimate object doing a job,
not a person trying to harm.

Another thought might be to have the woman try using a nipple shield to "put
something between the touch", if you know what I mean.  This would have to
be used with care, of course.

Just my thoughts...
Jay
A survivor who's been there...
Jay Simpson, CLE
Sacramento, CA
"No Miracles performed here, just a lot of love and hard work."
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