Hi All,

Coach Smith here, in my alter ego Granny Zealot. My granddaughter is now nearly 5, which qualifies me to write this from a personal perspective. 

Grannies have paid their dues, so to speak, in the childrearing business. We fought our battles, licked our wounds, did the best we could with the information we had at the time - just like all moms. At age 40+ when we become grannies, we are in a different developmental stage than when we were in our 20's (OK, so adjust the ages accordingly).  Late-40's women are aptly called "guardians" by Joan Boryshenko, PhD.  We are feisty, protective of things important to us, and intolerant of injustices. 

Grannies fear for babies, especially those being raised differently than our own. Watching our children do things differently is threatening... because the automatic implication is that we "did it wrong" with our own kids. It's human nature to defend what we did, rightly or wrongly. We're older and wiser now, and know full well how young, vulnerable and hopelessly naive new moms are because WE WERE THERE. (not exactly shouting - read with emphasis). 

It may be hard to imagine loving a grandchild more than our own children, yet my guess is that it happens frequently. Well, maybe not MORE, but in a different way.  (I do things with my granddaughter that I'd never do and never did with my kids - like artsy-crafty projects, buying the latest craze toys, etc.)  With our grandkids, we can love completely and unabashedly without the staggering minute-to-minute responsibilities of motherhood. Grandchildren are by definition PERFECT. And we want passionately to keep them that way! I can't explain why, nor can I explain the change that happens in US when we become grandmothers. I was totally unprepared for the sense of confidence and empowerment that happened to ME when Hannah birthed Carrie. 

I doubt that any pamphlet for grannies is very effective, since most of the grannies I know think they should have/could have written the book, not some "expert."  When a granny comes in to my office with a mom and baby, I can help them in person by modeling... praising the mom, pointing out what's going on that's right, etc.  But written materials?  Nah.

The best part, if the granny is able to see it, is watching her child do something WELL. 

Watching Hannah's competence in mothering Carrie brings tears of joy to my eyes. 
I wish I could have done as well with her as she's doing with her daughter.

Linda Smith, senior instructor in grannyism today with a few gray hairs as credentials
Bright Future Lactation Resource Centre, Dayton OH
http://www.bflrc.com/bflrc.htm