Sarah, point taken.  Fantasy on the part of the nine year old is to be
expected, even welcomed.  Classic case of trigger-happy posting on my
part.
What set me off was *my* perception that the family seemed to be
considering letting these fantasies be acted out, when what they
actually did was ask for help from someone with more experience.  In
my defense I will say I've met parents who thought that sending their
toddler away for a couple of weeks while the new baby gets born and
establishes its place in the parents' hearts would be the best idea -
and I've met those who chose diaper changes as the activity the older
sibling could take over to cement the bond with the baby.  But I
remember these cases because they are so NOT typical!

When our second child was born, our first was five and a half.  She
was very much taken with her new brother, and confided in me while she
was holding him on her lap that she loved him so much that she planned
to marry him when they grew up.  I still kick myself for the way I
took care to tell her it wouldn't be possible, causing her great
sadness and occasioning a completely meaningless conversation about
family law while her tears dripped down in his face, rather than just
saying something like 'well, ok, if that's what you two both want when
you're grown...'  or just acknowledging her strong bond to him.

Rachel Myr
Kristiansand, Norway

PS my children, now adults, are just good friends - and I didn't
bother getting either of their permissions to post this!

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